Dear Mr. Rock Star,

I thought you were going to be my first love, but boy I was wrong. I guess in a way you were my first love, but in reality, it was only a “falling head over heels” crush. From the first time I laid my eyes on you, I thought you were perfect. You had the look that I could not resist. Your hair was a sort of Justin Bieber-esque cut that was popular at the time, longer and flowy. You were just oh-so-cute and yes, a couple of years younger than me, but that didn’t matter. You were shy like me, but also goofy which I loved, and, best of all, you played the bass and sang in a band that I was attached to.

You led me on, and I fell for it hardcore. I’m not sure when we started to talk, but we used to text for months at the least. I had the biggest crush on you for two years, but I know if I could have resisted the urge to fall for you, I wouldn’t be as scared for people to leave me now. You were the first of what would be three guys who broke my heart in the same way.

For months, I thought I was something special to you, I thought I meant something to you. I would go to your shows and blush when you talked to me. I loved getting our picture taken because I thought it meant you wanted to. Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t. I cheered for you whenever you were onstage and tried to cheer the loudest so you knew I supported you. I felt like I went out of my way to get you to like me in return.

When your sister had cancer, I went to her benefit dinner to try and do my part to donate so I could help her. I thought you would have at least told me thank you, but I don’t think you even said "hi." It was a good thing I wasn’t alone and had taken a friend with me. My heart hurt a lot that day but I shook it off, saying that maybe you were too busy or maybe you were on your way to something else…even though you made eye contact with me when I greeted you. That wasn’t the worst part though. I still had hope that maybe, just maybe we could be together in time.

I remember the last night you talked to me. My best friend was with me and we were at one of your concerts. The night started great, we sat next to each other at the bar and talked a bit, and the show you played was great! There were some crazy bands that night, and my friend and I were standing in the back of the room where the stage was because the crowd was getting a little too hyped up for our taste. You came and stood next to me, and there was a lot flirting back and forth. Things were looking very hopeful between us. The highest point of my night was when you kissed me out of the blue, and I was so surprised and excited that maybe you liked me back! I left that night overjoyed. You texted me to make sure I got home safely (the roads were a bit snowy that night), and I thought, "Well, maybe he does care."

However, it was that night that my world came crashing down on me. It was when all contact with you stopped. I thought maybe you were busy. I mean, you kissed me, so that had to mean you weren’t done with me--it had to! Days went by. I tried to call you wondering if something happened to you, I worried about you, but I got nothing in response. Weeks, months went by, and I tried to forget about you, but my heart was broken.

The worst part was that I let two other guys do the same thing to me. I blamed myself each time, and what you did still affects me. I am afraid that every guy will stop talking to me out of the blue and leave me all alone again. I have been afraid that every time I have a first kiss, it will mean nothing. It’s why I get too attached to every guy I have dated, because I am afraid that the same thing is going to happen all over again.

I am also growing because of you. I am learning how to be by myself and learning how to trust guys again. I still get shaken up every now and then, but I know that I will get over this. I will get over you.

- The Girl Who Realized Too Late