Dear reader,
I don't know what to write about.
But I don't think the problem is that I have no ideas; I have many ideas. Ranking Silly Songs with Larry, a letter to my parents, a seething letter to my twin, a reaction to the latest news article, and a reaction to the even more recent news article.
I think the problem is that I do not allow time for the ideas to grow before I break them down, delegitimizing their ability to become articles through my inability to focus.
Focus, yes, that has to be the problem. The reason I don't know what to write is that I can never turn on my brain and focus it toward one topic long enough for my thoughts to organize into fragmented constellations.
I don't know what to write about because I don't know what I am remotely qualified to write about. Religion and politics are important to me, but what ideas do I have on anything complicated that have not already been discussed a million times?
Maybe I don't know what I should write about because I don't know who I am. Why I write anyway. Do I want to be a writer? A lawyer, a teacher? Am I good enough for any of those jobs? Will I ever be?
I don't know what to write about, sure. But I definitely don't know what writings to post. Which combination of smart and sincere will draw feedback fro my honesty and how much humility and fun, clever wit is needed so I do not open myself to harsh criticism. No politics, and no embarrassing stories.
I need to grow confidence. Not in the condescending humor I and many hide behind, but in my ideas. To not kill future dreams before they are attempted many times.
And maybe I will keep on finding myself in need of improvements. Maybe this is a part of life. Instead of trying grasp all of the things I don't know about myself in the world and force it into line, I need to merely analyze each piece as it crosses my path and not look too deep into the future.
But I do need to know enough to have an article ready before the minute it is due.
And to the fellow readers,
If you've made it this far,
Why?
