Dear PNM (Potential New Member),

Guess what? It’s finally over. The nerves, passion, confusion, early mornings, long days, sweaty walks, glitter & screaming, pressured conversations, exciting conversations, and the rollercoaster of what we call RUSH has come to a close. After 14 days of frenzy and bittersweet moments, you can finally check the insane process of going through rush off your bucket list. Given that sometimes it can feel exhilarating and other times like a scene out of Mean Girls, you should be awarded a trophy no matter where you landed at the end of it.

I just finished my own crazy version of this process on the sorority side for the first time and I have to admit that I wasn’t very prepared and that it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am feeling exhausted and relieved for it to all be over for this year. As I was packing to go back to school (to begin preparing for rush with my sorority), my mom told me to try to stay “one step back” during the process, which was some really wise advice, yet I found it very hard to follow and obtain. You get attached, you get defensive and you get prideful. Sound familiar? (Yes we are just as nervous and in love with you as we hope you are with us, hehe).

On top of that, I have found that I really HATE the whole concept of how this process works. Being put in a position of judgment and having to choose based on very little substance is a very hard task for me to achieve. I have been in an environment of complete and utter love and acceptance all summer while working at a Christian youth camp, so for me, this was an absolute 180 degree turn on my heart. Put that together with the culture shock of it all, as well as falling in love with girls in the midst of all the pettiness, and I found my heart very confused, tired and overly involved. Which is exhausting, and I am wondering if any of you feel the same way? Empty? Excited? Disappointed? Exhausted? Defeated? Confused?

To be honest, rush wasn’t very hard for me to go through on your side. I am a natural born extrovert, with small talk being really easy for me. I loved the excitement of finding out which sororities asked me back, putting on my best self, and getting to smile and laugh my way through each new house. It was a challenge and I wanted to impress. And in my eyes, I did. I got almost every house I was striving for to like me back, and I was thrilled that in the end, I got lucky and it came down to two that I loved.

One house I had preconceived thoughts about as I entered into rush, and felt like a bid from this sorority would help land me a good reputation right from the beginning of my college years. The other house surprised me every. single. round. I was genuinely mad that I loved them so much every time I went back. And you know why? Because I thought I knew what I wanted going into this process. I thought I wanted to be in the “pretty girl” sorority, I thought I wanted to be in the one with the “higher reputation”, and I thought that one sorority’s letters meant more than the other’s. But boy was I wrong. I found out during the process that it is so much more than all of that.

Luckily, I had my amazing mom who helped me make the decision and opened up my eyes. She told me to take away the names, take away the stereotypes, and think about the conversations. Think about what was the most real and meaningful experience and what would be the best for me. And so, with me being the indecisive person that I am, I sat in the voting room for over 2 hours. I finally listened to my gut and casted my vote. And my gut feeling was right.

I got lucky once again and got my top pick. A house where I felt I had the most genuine conversations and could see myself the best. So, I ran with my shirt in hand to all the girls I had met in that house during rush, took pictures at bid day, and was filled with excitement at being where I chose to be. However, the next day came and as everybody walked around in their tank tops repping their new home and label on their sleeves, I began to panic. A feeling of unease came over me as I started to see girls walk by with letters from houses that I could have been a part of. I panicked because this wasn’t the feeling I was supposed to be having when I joined my sorority. I was supposed to be walking in pride and complete confidence, and instead, I was questioning my decision. I was so concerned with how people were viewing me, if I had made a mistake and what it would be like to be wearing the other sorority’s letters.

So, yet again, I called my mom. In the middle of the dining hall with sorority girls all around me, I shared my panicky feelings while on the verge of tears. I shared my anxiety and uncertainty and disappointment. And she calmed me down again. Reassuring me of several truths that I think are often forgotten along the way during this crazy process.

1. You are not marrying this sorority. Yes, you are joining it and becoming apart of what it means. But at the end of the day, it is not who you are. You are yourself and no specific letters define who you are.
2. Lets face it, we all are in these groups for the same reason. We want to meet awesome girls and make amazing friends. We want to be a part of and included in something. And we want to dress up for the functions that get us the cool t-shirts (no shame). It’s all apart of what makes it fun and what makes it worth it. So I promise you, if we are all wanting the same things, then we are all going to be pretty similar. We are all amazing people, so I promise you there are wonderful, cool-as-anything girls in every single house. Don’t let the stereotypes take that away from you or anyone else.
3. And finally, you are not alone. Everyone feels confused at some point because the perfect picture of what joining a sorority looks like in your head is not how it usually goes, whether you got 13 houses back or one. But it’s not ever going to be that pretty picture because there is no perfect sorority, no perfect bid day and no perfect girl. Yes, the movies and every Instagram post you have ever seen has lied to you. But that’s okay, because it all works out how it is supposed to be. Just like your Pi Chis (rush group leaders), your mothers and your best friends told you it would. And in the end it’s not about the glitter and cute pics, or what letters you are wearing. It’s about being yourself and finding people you can relate to.

So, whether you are like me and were the girl who was ready for rush and is the living, breathing poster child of an outgoing extrovert, and who had all her outfits planned 5 months in advance (down to the Sheila hoops that you finally convinced your dad to get for you) and you got back almost every house you asked for and pledged your “perfect” sorority... OR you are more like the girl who tried her best, went totally out of her comfort zone, and came up empty handed and feeling alone. Let me assure you NONE OF IT MATTERS. Getting every house back is exciting, but you will eventually realize that it is not everything, and that most of us question our choice at times, just like I did. You will see that there are all types of girls in all the different houses, and that at the end of the day, you will have friends in many of them, whether you are a part of one or not.

And most importantly, it all worked out how it was supposed to and that none of this defines you.

None of the women in the 30 parties that you went to tell everyone about who you are. None of the awkward conversations you had due to nerves define your personality. None of the lists of highlighted names you received every morning determines your identity. And none of the letters you are wearing, or not wearing, decide your next 4 years.

There is so much more to all of this. There is so much more to you. And there is so much more to be said than what is on your shirt, I promise you. There is so much more to be said than that one conversation that you feel like blew it all. And there is so much more to you. So whether you are reading this in the midst of excitement or disappointment — read these words — this is just a thing. It’s just a thing. So take a deep breath. Wear your letters. Don’t wear your letters. But whatever you do, remember that who you genuinely are is what matters most, and everyone wants to get to know that you. Not what you think defines you or other people around you. So put aside the days of rush and smile, because who you are and who you want to be these next 4 years is decided only by you. Be confident in who you are most comfortable being because that is what shines out above the rest. So listen to my mom’s words just like I did a year ago, and be content with where you are and in who you are. Because that will give you way more joy than any of the past few weeks did.