Dear Perfectionist,

You may be sitting here reading this while taking a break from the group project you decided to do all on your own because you don't trust your classmates or crying over that B you just got on your last history paper. You may be over-analyzing the happenings of your day wishing you had done something differently or practicing an instrument until your face wants to fall off because you don't like your tone quality or can't hit that high note.

You may be thinking “I know I’m not perfect; no one is perfect!” Well, you may know you’re not perfect, but at the same time, you won’t allow yourself to accept anything less.

There are things in life you’ve decided to either put off until you have the skills to do it perfectly, or you’ve decided not to try at all because you won’t be able to do it the way you've meticulously planned it in your head. You’ve fought so hard to make everyone like you because you can't stand the idea of someone thinking ill of you. You're still putting off love because you’re looking for your perfect soulmate: Your default state in the face of romantic feelings is to remain guarded because you don’t want to invest in a relationship that may not turn out in the end.

You are anxious about every detail of your life, planning ahead, wanting to control as much of your environment as possible to try and pave a flawless path into the rest of your life. However, failure can be an alternative, more scenic route to a successful future. “Expectation is the mother of all frustration," and to rid yourself of the unreasonable expectations that you have set for your life is more freeing than you think.

Even as I write this to you now, I'm rereading every sentence wishing it flowed better, or used more colorful vocabulary or that I could frame each paragraph just so. I want to put this off until I can think of the right words to say to you, but I have to remind myself that the purpose of this letter is not to be perfect, but quite the opposite: I'm writing this to remind you that there is beauty in mistakes.

Only recently have I been able to look at my paintings or my writing and say "it's not perfect, but I'm still happy with it." For years I've focused on the imperfections in potential partners without acknowledging the fact that I have flaws of my own. It's hard to leave a mindset behind that promises a perfect life, but to leave it is to break free from the small boundaries you've set in your life to protect yourself. While it allows for you to make more mistakes, you'll find that over time, those mistakes will feel less painful than you anticipated and will teach you more about yourself and the world than perfection ever could.

It’s the little things - the failures, the changes, the heartaches - that make our lives interesting. They are like scars, good stories to tell friends over coffee, allowing us to connect with others on a deeper level than a "perfect" life could ever reach. Flaws and risks add color to the human experience: To try and control these aspects is to miss out on the best parts of life.

So if you know you can’t be perfect, why kill yourself trying to be?

Sincerely,

A Recovering Perfectionist