Dear Parents of College Freshmen,
This is a big year for you. Soon your babies will take a major step in the direction of independence and responsibility. You can respond to these memorable moments with one of three reactions. The first is with fear and overreaction. You have spent the first seventeen years of your child’s life teaching them right from wrong. You have instilled in them the value of education and the importance of wisdom. If you did not have these intentions for your son/daughter, they would not be attending college in the first place! Fight the urge to call them every hour on the hour, or the urge to give your stamp of approval on every choice they make. Let your child sign for the room key, let them register for classes, and please let them arrange their own room. Because I am sure they will change anything you do as soon as your car leaves the parking lot.
The second reaction is detachment and under reacting. This is to the parents that simply drop their student off and as soon as the door closes say “Good luck! See you at Christmas!” Even though you may have done an excellent job teaching your child independence, chances are college is the first time they are living in a community away from you. They will need guidance from someone they trust. While a professor, coach or upperclassman is a great resource for learning the ins and outs of the campus, they cannot compete with years of trust that has been built by a parent. So do not abandon your student. They will need a familiar ear to listen when complaining about the twenty page paper they’ve procrastinated on, or the roommate from hell they must learn to live with.
The third reaction is a balance between the previous two. I challenge you to be the parent that offers a constant helping hand or listening ear for your freshman. Always be ready to offer your advice, but wait for your child to ask for your wisdom. Do not call them up every night and force food for thought down their throats! Let them learn to deal with conflict and issues alone, be there to coach them if they make a mistake. So, all you hovering parents, land the helicopter, but always have your gear ready in case your child needs you to take off into the sky. College can throw a great deal at a seventeen or eighteen year old, let your child become their own first line of defense. I’m sure they will need you as reinforcements.
Sincerely,
A junior that’s seen a lot over two years, with amazing parents that stay out of my sky, but are always ready to hover when needed.
