Dear Papa,

Losing a grandparent as a child is heartbreaking. As you would never get to know what kind of person they were as you grew with them. But in my own opinion, losing a grandparent as a young adult or teenager is much, much worse.

You knew them, you had memories, laughs, cry's, hugs and kisses. And then one day they are gone. I had those with you, I had happy memories with you, and I remember all the laughs we had during your weird western shows. The last year was honestly the worse, you were in and out of hospitals and we were all getting worried... I was in high-school still and didn't want to think about it. Then one week you were sent to Hospice care, I didn't really fully process what it was or what it all meant. My 16th birthday was coming up in a few days anyways, I was trying to be in a good mood for myself and for you.

It was my birthday, and we got the call. I remember I was in school, and I had to go to the bathroom as I broke down in the middle of the lunch room. My heart seemed to shatter. You wouldn't be there to see my graduate high-school, you would never see my college dorm; you wouldn't see me get married or have a child. You wouldn't be there for any of it. It was the worst birthday of my life. The whole family mourned, and they were the saddest I had ever seen. You were always there. Being at your house wasn't the same anymore, it was empty and depressing. Your room was eerie and I hated going in cause I couldn't do so without crying.

I miss you so much, I had taken our time for granted when you were here, and I'm sorry for that.

I love you.