Dear Mr. Sandler
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Dear Mr. Sandler

An open letter to Adam Sandler

Dear Mr. Sandler
The Famous People

Dear Adam Sandler,

For the love of G-d please STOP. It used to be when we’d see a movie with your name in the credits, we’d say “Oh, great! Adam Sandler’s in the movie!” Now when we see your name we say “Oh, great. Adam Sandler’s in the movie.” And we’d groan. Seriously what happened? Your movies used to be funny and heartwarming. Now all we see is just baby voices, fart jokes and nonsense. I’ve got to say, the whole “baby-voice” bit has been getting old, really fast. Your drama, “Reign Over Me” about a man who loses his family in 9/11 and deals with the traumatic loss was amazing, but then you inserted the “baby voice”. Granted, it was appropriate for the scene, but did you really need it? Whenever I hear that voice, it’s like nails on a chalkboard. If you didn’t have it in “Reign over Me”, I’m sure it would have been a more successful movie (despite the fact how heartwarming and beautiful it was). After “Billy Madison”, a story about an idiot heir to a vast business who must prove to his father he’s ready by going through grades K-12 again, the baby voice was done. Seriously, this movie was funny, the FIRST time I saw it, after that I shuddered. Even the plot was was ridiculous after I thought about it. Think about it, who goes through all of elementary, middle, and high school to prove how smart and capable you are? Now what are we dealing with? “Jack and Jill” where you played identical twins, boy and girl. Not only did you look ridiculous, the “baby voice” played throughout the whole film, making me want to tear my ears out.

And what else have you done recently? The “Grown-Ups” franchise. The first film, the story about childhood friends coming together again in their adulthood, had a few funny jokes at first, but was basically an “SNL” cast reunion with a lot of in-jokes and insults at every cast member. Why you made a sequel is beyond me. The point of a sequel’s plot is either to pick off where the first movie left off or to add to the plot in some way. This sequel didn’t add anything in any way. It was basically the same thing over again with a few added cast members, but with the same jokes. What else have you done? “Pixels”, the story of alien invaders who come to Earth in the form of 80’s video games. Not only was this ridiculous, but absolutely none of the plot made any sense. Neither did any of the character development or its cheesy lines (and I mean every single line). You even said so when the Q-Bert character suddenly turned into a human woman for Josh Gad to marry. Enough said. And let’s not forget “The Ridiculous 6” which was about outlaws who discover they have the same dad. The title to this film was already a cop-out to the recent reprise of Western films that have been surfacing, specifically Tarantino’s “The Hateful Eight” and the “Magnificent Seven” reboot. Except you failed in that respect too. Badly, might I add. Your last endeavor to date was “The Do-Over” about two guys who were down on their luck, that decide to fake their deaths and get new identities, which lead to even more problems. This movie didn’t have a great start to it with it’s *cough* spectacular plot, but apparently had some potential with critic reviews. This proves there is hope for your career.

What should you do to save your dwindling career? Well, for one thing, dump Rob Schneider. I know you guys go way back and are really close friends from early on in your career, but he has done you NO favors since then. His career has been nothing but cringeworthy. The only successful movies he’s been in were piggybacking off of yours. “The Longest Yard”, about prisoners who play a big football game against the guards, which wasn’t a bad movie, Rob Schneider had one line in the whole movie. It was a funny line, granted, but his only line, which isn’t exactly a good reason to keep him in your films. “The Waterboy”, about a football team’s water boy who suddenly is able to play and become a star, Schneider had one line which got repeated over and over again. Schneider is in no way funny and is just riding off of your success. Another thing I would recommend is playing to your strengths that audiences don’t know about. Like basketball for instance. The underrated fact is that you are a great ball player. That one scene from the first “Grown-Ups” where you make a shot behind your back without looking, was not faked. You are amazing at basketball, use that. I’m not saying you should make a sports movie, but it’s a strength you don’t play often. Another thing you should do is avoid the terrible cliche`s and tropes you’re prone to. “Reign Over Me” was a great and surprising film, but it could have been better, like I said earlier. This means no “baby voice” (for the LOVE OF G-D!), no fart jokes and stop treating your audience like we’re in Kindergarten. This makes sense when you’re making family films, like “Hotel Transylvania”, but no where else. You had great films, like "50 First Dates" and "Happy Gilmore" Your career has potential, but needs a lot of work. Either change your ways, or keep making movies and films that make us want to burn your house down.


Your Hesitant Audience

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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