If you’re here, I would guess you’re reading this because someone you know self-harms, and you don’t understand, need help with the situation, or can’t wrap your head around it. If you are or have self-harmed yourself, TRIGGER WARNING now, just in case, and please feel free to share this and add your own opinions, because it helps!
I want to start off by telling you, to take what I say with a grain of salt. I’m not here to tell a mother how to parent, or that what I went through is exactly what everyone's goes through but I’m trying to help those who are lost and worried after finding out their child/loved one self-harms.
1. Cutting is not the only way of self-harming.
When I was self-harming, I cut myself and caused bruises on myself, but self-harming goes so much further than that. Self-harmers will cut, burn, bruise, and hit themselves, as well as pull out their own hair, pick at their skin, and I’m sure other things. These are just the most common as far as I know. The arms, legs, and torso are the most likely places so if your child has bandages in these areas often, don’t be afraid to look. Seriously. Which brings us to the next point.
2. Check under her bandages.
If your child is wearing bracelets all the time that are thick and go halfway up her arm, don’t be afraid to ask underneath them if you suspect she may be self-harming there.
3. He will be mad, but he’ll get over it.
When I was still cutting a close friend of mine found out and told our school guidance counselor. She in turn called my mother who talked to me about it and this began the entire process or anger, guilt, regret and relapse. My mother grounded me once because she found out I cut myself but I forgive her because she didn't know what to do. Don't scold your child, just let them know you're there and you want to help. Do everything you can but make sure they're agreeing to things like therapy.
4. They will try to cheat therapy.
The therapist know. They do their best. But if someone can manipulate and make someone believe they are 100% okay then that is what will be believed. I've done it, my close friend has done it, a ton of us have done it. Try not freak out on your loved one. Try to let them pick a therapist they are comfortable with or comfortable going to. They are so many options for therapists.
5. Relapsing, it happens.
When alcoholics or drug addicts stop using, they may relapse and this is exactly the same. This has become a coping mechanism for the person doing this and what they're brain now wants when something bad happens or they're upset. Whether you find it that devastating or not, they may and in any case it's how they cope.
6. It hurts.
People don't understand how people can self-harm because it hurts. And yes, it does. A lot. But to many, the pain inside is so much worse than the pain on their skin. A friend and I used to compare cutting ourselves to the pain leaving our bodies. It's not something pleasant to say or think about but it is amazing how a coping mechanism will transform your thoughts and views.
All in all, if you are someone caring for a loved one who is self-harming please do not give up on them. They will be upset with you and they will struggle but the struggle is worth surviving. It has been almost four years since I last hurt myself, and I think about doing it on the bad days, but I'm surviving and I am thriving.
For those who have self-harmed and do not anymore, I am so proud of how far you have come. Even if it's only been one day. And if it's something you think you want to do, I beg you not to because it's such a painful journey.
This quote is one of my favorites: “Self-harm will take over your life. It will eat away at you until you know nothing but the demand for release. For more blood. For more scars. Please, please don’t ever start. It will destroy you. And the moment you reach the bottom, with no further down to go, you will come back and rebuild yourself. Better than ever. I am now. I will be for the rest of my life. But I plan to keep fighting this battle, this war, this addiction.”
