I don’t remember the specific details but I remember unclenching myself from you the first day you dropped me off at pre-K and no longer being able to spend the day by your side. I remember that this was the start of our time apart. Although I don’t remember taking the first day of school pictures when I was little (when I actually was willing to take them for you without a frown on my face) I do remember how excited you were to send us off to a new year, how much you admired these pictures, and how much they displayed our growth from year to year. But more importantly, how the time is moving unbelievably fast and that we’re no longer in pre-K, but college students.

First, I want to thank you. And second, I want to say that no amount of characters, expression, or any gift in the world, can convey to you how much I cherish what you- mom and dad have given me. How hard you both have worked to make sure that I was able to get a good education, and grow up healthy and happy. There is nothing in the world that I want more than to make you both happy, proud, and more than anything grow up to be like you. I want to be able to provide for a family, to be able to be my daughter’s best friend, and my children’s biggest supporters.

Leaving for college was just as hard the second year, as it was the first. Maybe even harder because now we know what to expect. We know that we won’t wake up to sloppy puppy kisses, the sound of both of your voices in the morning, moms cooking, dad’s jokes, and kisses goodnight. We know that we’re moving into a new year full of overwhelming stress, and the pressure to make sure that we’re working towards, and accomplishing what we came here to do. It’s hard. It’s hard to be away from the people that encourage you to do best, and know what’s best for you while you’re planning out the rest of your life. It’s hard to unclench my hand from yours, when all I want is to hold on to it.

I need you guys more now than I did while I was home. Although you’re far away, I still need you. Although we’re becoming more independent, I will always need you. We grew up with so much love, and you provided me with a safe haven. Although you’re not here to shield me from the bad, protect me from evil, and push me in the direction of the good, you have, in the past nineteen years, taught me everything you could have possibly taught me. You have provided me with the strength, and courage to know right from wrong, and to fight for what I deserve.

We may not always see eye to eye. It seems like we fight now more than ever. But I need it. I need you to fight back.

“ I desperately need you to hold the other end of the rope. To hang on tightly while I thrash on the other end—while I find the handholds and footholds in this new world I feel like I am in. I used to know who I was, who you were, who we were. But right now I don’t. Right now I am looking for my edges and I can sometimes only find them when I am pulling on you. When I push everything I used to know to its edge. Then I feel like I exist and for a minute I can breathe. I know you long for the sweeter kid that I was. I know this because I long for that kid too, and some of that longing is what is so painful for me right now. I need this fight and I need to see that no matter how bad or big my feelings are—they won’t destroy you or me. “ –Parents Corner, Gretchen Schmeltzer

It’s funny. Actually, it’s really really not amusing at all. We’re young, and the world expects us to know what we want to do with the rest of our lives. We are expected to balance our schoolwork, sports, clubs, internships, jobs, and social lives. If we don’t spend too much time on our work, we’re lazy. If we spend too much time with our heads in the books, we’re paranoid. If we don’t play sports and are involved in clubs, we’re not engaging ourselves. If we don’t have an internship, we’re slacking. If we don’t have a job, we’re unmotivated. If we aren’t at parties every night, or spending time with friends, we’re anti social. So, as you can imagine, and probably know finding balance is hard when you’re trying to do your best and manage each area equally.

I don’t know what I want to do. I’m gaining a better idea because I chose a school that I thought was the best for me to figure it out. I’m comfortable here, and I’m as happy as a college student can be. I’m happy that I’m fortunate enough to be provided with a college education, and friends that are down the hall from me, and you both a car ride away. But I need to wander a little bit. I need to be a little lost, and not have everything figured out right now. I need to be patient with myself, and I hope that you can be patient with me too.

“I need you to love me even at my worst, even when it looks like I don’t love you. I need you to love Just don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on this fight. I need it. This is the fight that will teach me that bad feelings don’t mean the end of a relationship. This is the fight that will teach me how to listen to myself, even when it might disappoint others… I am relying entirely on your ability to stay in this fight. No matter how much I argue. No matter how much I sulk. No matter how silent I get. Please hang on to the other end of the rope. And know that you are doing the most important job that anyone could possibly be doing for me right now.” – Parents Corner, Gretchen Schmeltzer

With so much love,

Your College Student.