It seems like a strange thing to ask God to help you walk away from a person. Typically it seems like the Christian thing to pray for understanding on how to better serve them. However, over the past two years, I’ve slowly learned an important lesson.

You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change, and you have the right to walk away from someone who negatively impacts you.

There have been various people in my life that have brought me closer to God and encouraged the best in me, and there have been multiple people who have had the opposite influence. I am the kind of person who is usually the first to apologize, even if I’ve done nothing wrong. I take it extremely hard when someone dislikes me, and will try my hardest to fix it. So when I found myself in a relationship where it seemed like I was always the one messing up, I constantly tried to find ways to fix it. I got used to brushing off the things other people have done wrong and excusing it with, “Well he or she only did ____ because I did _____”. It has been close friends and boyfriends. They would treat me badly, but it just made me work harder to get their approval and show them that I was worth treating better. All the while, these relationships made me feel more and more insignificant.

I dated someone for two years and it was a roller coaster. Some days would be perfect, and some days would be nightmares. The days that were nightmares would be horrible and I would call my friends crying and they would make me promise to stay away from him. Then the sun would come back out and everything would be perfect. I would explain to my friends that, “This time it’s different, and the only reason we had that fight is because I did something wrong.” I tried so hard to justify staying in the relationship because I truly believed it was up to me to help him. He had dangerous vices, but when we dated he started to put them down. I didn’t want the relationship to end and him slip back to his old ways. I also felt like I had to prove to him that I could be the perfect girlfriend. When we fought he would say horrible things to me, and I felt like I had to work even harder when things were good to make sure he didn’t really think of me as the things he called me. I became that girl—the girl that keeps going back to the bad relationship. The girl with the friends that start to give up because no matter how many times they try to tell you that you can do better, you ignore them and keep going back.

After a while I stopped telling my friends what was happening because I was embarrassed—but they still know when I go back. They make little comments so that I know they know. But they’re exhausted, and honestly I am, too.

So it’s time I learn to walk away. I’ve realized that at the end of the day, sometimes you have to protect your own heart. People who make you feel worthless are not helping you serve God. God wants you to know your worth and wants you to know that you are precious to Him. People who tear you down or make you feel small are not helping you in your relationship with God. You need confidence to go out into the world every day and be a light. You’ll never be perfect, but you don’t need to be friends or be in a relationship with someone who constantly makes you feel like there is something wrong with you.

If you know at the end of the day that you are trying your hardest to always do the right thing and live a life God would want you to live, then you cannot let the opinions of others break you down.

So, it’s okay to ask God to help you walk away from someone. Sometimes it’s really hard because you keep telling yourself that if you work hard enough, or if you just give them another chance, everything is going to work out. After all, you really care about them. God is there to help guide you through life, and one of the best ways to serve Him is to surround yourself with people that built you up. Walking away from someone does not mean that you don’t love him or her, or that you don’t care about him or her; it just means that you are taking care of your own heart so you can live in peace with yourself and your Maker.

You are enough. You are loved. You don’t need to work for the approval of someone who will never give it.

So if you need to like me, start praying that God shows you how to walk away. He will always show you what’s best.