This letter goes out to that special man who has yet to enter my life:
Hey Baby,
Soooo, I know this letter is probably a little unexpected but I wanted to tell you five quick things really quickly. I am sure this is coming out of nowhere, and you are probably really confused but trust me, this will explain a lot, here we go sweetheart!
I am really controlling, even if I don’t mean to be.
I know I am super nitpicky, and sometimes I will question the way you do things but all I can say is I’m sorry. It’s not my fault, I am just so used to being independent and living my life for myself that sometimes it is kinda hard for me to put my trust into someone else. But with you it is my goal to grow with you, and be able to form a bond between us that us that is both unique and beautiful.
I really hope you like spicy food.
I don’t know how to cook without my scotch bonnet peppers, and Walkerswood jerk sauce on everything. I mean babe, listen it’s just a part of my culture! It’s my Jamaican roots seeping out. I promise whenever I do cook I will always provide you with a HUGE glass of ice water.
Be patient with me.
I know I have a huge personality, and I like to act as if I have everything together – but I really don’t. I will deny your help, put on a smiling face during my worst day, and I will often try and put the world on my shoulders… But babe… just stick with me and this is just a part of my weariness of being hurt. I’ve gone through it before and I-clap-DON’T-clap-HAVE –clap- TIME-clap-FOR-clap-THAT!!!!!
Please surprise me!
In my nineteen years of life, I can’t recall a time that I was ever genuinely caught off guard, left with no words and just actually surprised. I’m talking about doing something that will just stop me in my tracks! Like meet me outside of class to walk me to my next class, surprise trips (assuming you have the tickets and plans in place), FLOWERS, buy me a nice dress that you want me to wear for you. Just really catch me off guard and I promiseeeee you I will return the favor.
Honey… Baby… Sweetheart … Darling …. PLEASE, just call me Stefanie!
I'm just not big into nicknames! And I blame Tonya, a girl in my 6th grade homeroom class! She told me, “Boys only call you nicknames because they have so many other girlfriends they don’t want to mess up and switch other people’s name.” And that has stuck with me ever since then! Huh, I know you don’t have any other girlfriends but I also think they are a little corny, nicknames are okay sometimes but too much just comes off as sickening!
And my love these are the five things I wanted to remind you of.
I know this was random and unexpected but sometimes I get so caught up in my own head that I just forget the small things that make a big difference. My heart is fragile. I am so used to telling myself that “I don’t need anyone to love me, I love myself and that’s all that matters.”
Well, that statement is SO false. I hope to experience a relationship that not only makes me question, but it also helps me grow.
I have matured so much over the past years, and going into my twenties I guess I feel the pressure to make all of the relationships, both romantically and personally, to work. Now I know they don’t have to all work – psh – actually I am more content with letting people go than ever before. Simply I am allowing life to take its course because like my best friends Naja and Melda always remind me, what’s for me will be for me.
So future Bae, I hope I didn’t scare any of you off after reading my piece. I can’t wait to meet you! See you on our first date.
