Dear Feelings,

From the time we thought it was acceptable to call him names and give him cooties to the time when we secretly begged for a special Valentine, you have always made it clear that your opinions are the only ones that really matter. Even after all my attempts to avoid things that place me in my “feels” – namely cookie dough ice cream and countless episodes of "Grey's Anatomy" – you somehow still manage to make me notice the way his eyebrows wrinkle when he’s deep in thought or the way his nose wiggles when he laughs. And even though I hate how easily you’re able to manipulate me into stalking his Instagram page or the way you make sure that I forget how to speak around him, you still have some redeeming qualities. Like the way you gave me that incredibly awkward and embarrassing first kiss story with Dennis Mahoney in the sixth grade, or the time you taught me a lesson in self-awareness when I fell on my face in front of him in the 10^th grade. While I’m sure there are many other great things about you, this letter isn’t about those – this letter is about all the things you mess up.

People are always emphasizing the need for mind over matter, but what we could all really use is some mind over feelings. Honestly, why did it ever matter so much that Derek had a girlfriend or that James Franco will probably never know who I am? And why am I always so concerned when he doesn’t text back in 10 seconds, or when he doesn’t invite me to some group hang I didn’t really want to go to anyway? You’ve always made a point of making me overthink everything, from that chance encounter at that one party to the way he says 'hi' in class. With you, I'm always more doubtful and irrational. My mind knows better than to try and interpret every glance, but then you come into the picture and suddenly it becomes very important whether or not his glance says “I like you too,” or if that’s the same look he gives to all the other girls. Only you could make me think that shoulders are sexy and the way he cracks his back is attractive because no one else does it like him, when in truth everyone cracks their back that way.

Feelings, you suck a lot of the time, but you’ve taught me how to see the best in people, even when their biggest flaw is not liking "Game of Thrones." So thank you – thank you for making me realize that cookie dough ice cream is not the answer to all of my problems (only the ones that matter). Thank you for making me act like an idiot when all he does is walk into a room. Thank you for still being the reason I procrastinate on homework. Thank you for making my dreams a little more interesting. Thank you for making me a little more self-aware. Thank you for all of it, because somewhere along the way, it made me a better person.