Dear "Dad",
I've held on to some much anger, resentment, sadness, and confusion towards you. I held on to the past because that's all I've had for you. I gripped it so tightly that when I started to let go of all of the resentment, I could physically feel the weight lifting off of me.
I forgive you.
"Dad", now that I'm older I realize so much about you, our relationship, and myself.
Your childhood was rough growing up, and I know that shaped the way you saw the world and how you fit into it. "Dad", I know that this affected our relationship.
"Dad", now that I am older I want to thank you. I want to thank you for leaving right when you did. Not immediately, but I became stronger because of it. I stopped finding my worth in what you thought of me, and what I could do to be the best daughter. I realize that there was nothing I could've done to make you a better father. I want to thank you for letting me see what I don't want in a man. I am no longer angry, but my heart breaks for you.
I want you to know that just because I've forgiven you, does not mean that what you've done is okay. You were supposed to be my father, and you failed. You walked out and lied to everyone and anyone that would listen. You cared more about money, women, and material items more than you could have ever loved me. Your love was based on what I could bring to the table, and I never delivered enough. "Dad", I forgive you for that too.
It has taken me years to be in this place with you. I spent so many nights wondering what I did so wrong. I spent my time looking for love in other places to fill the void you left. I spent years in therapy working through the mess you left behind. I wondered if you ever thought about me as much as I thought about you. I sent letter after letter, just hoping you would reply. I wanted you to come back, and I knew in my heart that you weren't. I wanted you to love me for me, and you didn't. Again, I forgive you for this too.
I hope that one day, you experience God the way I have. That you come to know Jesus, and that you accept Him into your heart. "Dad", that is what I want for you. I hope you experience the amount of healing I have in the last few years.
Sincerely,
Nicole
