Dear Couples on Campus,

Please continue with the PDA. I mean doesn’t everyone want to see the scene of a Nicholas Sparks movie acted out in real time?

Seriously. Why should you stop showing the 24,766 students and faculty how much you love your significant other?

You’re just displaying that you are so head-over-heels for your partner that you literally can’t keep your hands of off him or her. So, please, do continue because it doesn’t affect any other human being trying to mind their own business.

In no way is it a nuisance. You’re not completely blocking the sidewalk, door, or hallway. I can somewhat easily squeeze by, momentarily a part of your not-so-intimate moment, perfectly comfortable with it all.

It is totally appropriate for everyone to see. I’m sure your professors want to know what you do in you do outside of class. (Perfect way to avoid having to go to office hours just so that they will recognize you in the 250 person lecture.) And the children of parents that attend classes or youngsters of siblings visiting should be exposed to things other than PG. It won’t scar them or anything.

It’s a selling point for families on tours. Every parent will have the comfort in knowing that their child will actually be learning something that they’ll actually use in the real world, not just the Calculus or Chemistry that “will never be used” once they graduate.

I really want to watch you play tonsil hockey. It’s not rude to stop and stare is it? Maybe take a few notes?

Of course my single being wants nothing more than to be reminded of that relationship status.

And when you’re just out taking a stroll, I want nothing more than to be stuck behind your slow walking asses, swinging your entangled hands back and forth. It gives me the perfect opportunity to release my inner child and play red rover.

Altogether, thank you.

Thank you for reminding me that I’m a single pringle, but letting me live vicariously through you so I’m not missing out.

Thank you for not making me extremely uncomfortable while I’m just trying to get to class or eating lunch. It means a lot to me.

Thank you for teaching me to how to properly stick my tongue down a guy’s throat.

Thank you for showing me that it is okay to freely express my sexuality in front of innocent bystanders, children, and families.

And finally, thank you for providing me with a free show. (Quality entertainment might I add.)

Really, it doesn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable, so please, do continue.

Sincerely,

A Passerby that Thoroughly Enjoys Your Public Displays of Affection