Dear Coach,

If I could do it all over again, I would. The three years that I spent as a collegiate student-athlete showed me how mentally strong I am. If I didn't have the opportunity to play a sport in college, I wouldn't be the person I am today. What wasn't told to me was how much your love for the sport will change. Throughout those years, you will shed some tears and make forever friends. In no way is it easy, but nothing good is ever handed to you.

For years I have dealt with anxiety and depression. Going through such a big change during Freshman year of college, my anxiety and depression hit an all-time low. During my Sophomore year, I was put on the wrong medication which yet again made my anxiety and depression worse. Junior year came around and someone finally started to listen, and things started to look up.

Looking back on my years of being a college athlete If I could change one thing, it would be you.

You've always treated me differently. I've always seemed like the extra. From being recruited with my best friend, you always favored others over me. I was never good enough for you. When I made the top boat you seem upset. Telling us something, then going back on your word and lying made us lose trust in you. Changing things so it would go the way you wanted it to go, didn't go over our heads. People would ask me why I didn't make the top boat and I wouldn't have an answer for them. It was just the way you wanted it to be. We spend hours at practice pushing through the pain so you won't see us as weak. I didn't know this back then, but I know this now, stopping didn't make me weak, stopping made me stronger. You sit at practice not talking to me. You made me feel like I was never good enough. Telling me you knew that holding me back from practice would make my mental health worse, made me give up. Telling my teammates to make new friends because I was bringing them down, made me feel alone. Telling me that I didn't make a boat because I had "issues" in the training room, made me feel like I was sick. I tried to fight but you would not budge. I wouldn't wish anyone the pain that you put me through. You bullied me till I broke. I fought to make you stop and ended up having to stop myself. I want you to know how you may have ruined practice, but in no way have you ruin the sport.

Coaches like you are the reason why female athletes are strong. Coaches are meant to help guide their athletes, but you made is feel small to make you feel big.

I may now be just a student, but I still have the athlete in me. I'm ready to take the mental toughness that I have gained and bring it to the world.

Sincerely,

Your Student who is still an Athlete