I have accepted that I may, in fact, be the crazy girlfriend. When I see text exchanges like this one:

I nod my head in agreeance. Now, I was not always such a psycho. I had a healthy dose of jealousy but nothing too serious. Sorry Lady Gaga, I was not "Born This Way." A boy, with the help of snapchat (the devil's app), caused my psychotic break. When I discovered my boyfriend (of a whole six months) was snapping some sleazy chick, calling her sexy, you better believe his phone went hurtling towards the wall with every intention of shattering it. Unfortunately, he has one of those stupid indestructible cases so I had to take out my anger in other ways.

I have been cheated on before so this wasn't as life-shattering as it was when I was 16 years old. The similarity was that my anger cannot be contained to just this unfaithful boy, it spills over to the girl who does not even see it coming. Out of nowhere, she receives a Facebook message from a name that makes her heart sink into her stomach.

So, if you have awful luck with boyfriends like I seem to, here is how to successfully exact revenge on that girl without, you know, getting arrested or anything.

Step One: Assess what level of hatred she deserves.

You have to ask yourself a few questions at this stage. Does she know you exist? Have you met her? Are you friends? How long has she known your boyfriend? Have they previously dated? Could she be crazy enough to find you and try to fight you? How often will you see her after you unleash your wrath?

Abort mission if you think she is crazy. Tread carefully if you are friends, if she is in your sorority or if you know you will see her a lot after this bomb you just dropped on her little tryst with your boyfriend. In my case, she lived in another state so I unleashed hellfire.

Step Two: Choose your format.

I have the most respect for those of you who choose to confront her in person. Rihanna and Beyoncé dedicate their song "Bad Bitch" to you, my friend. You are far worse than I. So, I decided to use my boyfriends Facebook Messenger as he sat at my feet begging me not to leave, an aspect I was sure not to leave out of that message.

Step Three: Draft your message.

Whether you decide to approach her in person or message her, you have to come up with what you are going to say first. If you don't, it is easy to become flustered. When dealing with the other woman, emotions (mostly of hatred and jealousy) run at an all-time high. This may resort to a flurry of profanity and, if you are typing your message, typos. In this battle of words, you are the better woman. As the better woman, this message is meant to make you sound wronged yet somehow elegant and classy. Some keywords to include may be; trashy, unfortunate, lack of self-respect and unladylike. Inform her that you are in the know and do not appreciate her actions. As a woman, we should be looking out for one another, not making some play for their boyfriends.

Step Four: Concluding your message.

This is the bow you wrap this message of hatred in. When I saw bow, I mean the pretty, pink, diamond-encrusted one that is befitting of the queen you are. I like to imagine that I am from the 1800s and this is the statement you say to whoever you just slapped in the face with your white, frilly glove. my go-to is "Have a nice evening." or whatever time is befitting of the message.

Step Five: Be prepared for rebuttal.

This girl already had the gall to go after your boyfriend, so do not be surprised if she tries to counter your eloquent message. She may try to say it was not her fault, it was all your boyfriends doing, he said he was going to leave you or whatever her sorry excuse may be. You, the queen of this conversation, have no time for excuses from either her or your boyfriend. This is the realization you must accept, they are both 100% in the wrong and nothing they say will change the events that happened. In this, your time for catharsis they should take your word-beating lying down, accept your hatred and probably take note to never do that to anyone ever again.

Or, if you get lucky like me, she will just say "K" and you can all move on with your lives.