The holidays are officially here.
We're halfway through it as we've seen and said goodbye to both Halloween and Thanksgiving, and now we're getting ready for Christmas and welcoming the new year. The holiday season has always been my favorite part of the year despite it getting colder and colder as the days get shorter. Despite that, Christmas is my favorite holiday of them all, and I look forward to it every year.
This year is different than most. Sadly, there are lot of things that we could do before that we won't be able to do now. For example, my family and I come together to spend the holiday together. This year, everything is different, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do this year. This year has been hard on all of us. While there has been some good parts, 2020 overall has not been easy. For me, 2020 will not be one of my favorite years of all time with my grandmother passing away in October and my mother in November.
Sadly, I am no stranger to grief as I lost my father back in October 2013. While fall is my favorite season, it has not been kind for me or my family. While I wish I could have my parents and grandmother physically here with me, I know that they aren't suffering anymore. I know that one day I will see them again. Despite this, it's never easy to lose someone especially during the holidays.
Grief is different for each person, and it could be different each time you go through the process. For example, the process was different when my father passed compared to when my mother passed away and my grandmother. It was all different when it came to the grieving process as I had a different connection and relationship to each one. Still, each death and loss was hard.
It does get better. I can tell you that.
Still, there are times when I see something or hear something that I reminds me of them. I could smell something, and go back to a memory that I shared with a certain person that is no longer here. It comes in waves, sometimes unexpectedly.
I'm reminded of the book of Job found in the Bible. Job was a righteous man who had everything that he needed and more. One day, he lost everything from his family to his flock of animals. Later on, Job got sores all over his body that were painful. We see Job grieve and suffer through all that pain and loss. It must not have been easy to lose everything all at once then to have to worry about painful sore. Job still worshiped God. At the end, God blessed Job with double of what he had in the beginning of the book.
This reminds me that God is there. I may not know the reason why we go through things. I don't have all the answers, but I do know that I am not alone. I want to tell you that you are not alone during this holiday season. I know it's going to be hard as I don't have those people in my life anymore, and that I won't get to spend the holidays with them like every other year before it. My parents and grandmother won't get to see me graduate from college this year. They won't get to see me start a career, start a family, and see their grandchildren (or great grandchildren) if I decided to have them. My father won't get to walk me down the aisle if I ever get married. I won't get to do the father/daughter dance with him either. There are so many things that I wish my parents were here to see. I wish my parents were still here so I could call them at any time for advice if I needed it.
Still, I know that they are truly never gone, and I will always have the memories.
While I have lost my parents and grandparents, I still have people in my life that I love, and that love me. They have helped me through it all, and they have been there for me. It has made everything so much better.
I will close with this.
Grieve in your own way, and in your own time frame. Don't let anyone else tell you differently because we're all different. For me, I like to be surrounded by people more than I usually do while not ignoring my introverted side either. During the holiday season, I am doing some traditions that me and my family would do every year to honor my grandmother and mother as well as my father. I want to celebrate the good, and hold tight to those memories while also creating new ones.
