The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, peace, and family bonding, but for families with divorced or separated parents, that can be a little more complicated. This year was my fifth Christmas dealing with divorced parents, and while I've begun to get used to it, it's certainly still not easy. But for better or for worse, I've learned a lot.
First off: it's not fun. As much as the holidays are still enjoyable and U still get to spend time with my family, I will always miss the Christmas traditions of my childhood. With that said, however, you have to learn to embrace the new traditions. This year I've learned about the deliciousness of fried turkey, the joy in the chaos of a big family, and established a new tradition of getting milkshakes after the Christmas Eve church service. Holidays will naturally change as you get older, and while divorce can make these changes much more sudden, adjusting to change is a necessary part of life.
Secondly: it will be emotionally exhausting. Christmas day is exhausting, much less the entire holiday season. No matter how long it's been since your parents separated, every Christmas will bring new challenges, whether it's getting back and forth from different houses, not seeing a parent one year, or celebrating with new step-families. In the midst of all of the chaos, you have to take time for yourself. Yes, the holidays are for spending time with family, but you're only going to turn into a grinch if you force yourself to interact 24/7. Take a break, take a nap, and recognize that the new normal can be just as celebratory and exciting as the old normal.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, you have to communicate with your family. It can seem really isolating to deal with changing holiday traditions, but trust me, all of your relatives are dealing with the same things you are. Don't be afraid to ask for some alone time, or emphasize the importance of your favorite food. With everything changing so quickly, your traditional foods are some of the things that don't have to change, and I've certainly treasured my family's pineapple casserole and banana pudding.
The holidays can be challenging for a myriad of reasons, but divorce certainly makes them a little harder. You'll always mourn the days when your whole family was together, but that's not a reason you can't enjoy them now. Make new traditions, take time for yourself, communicate with your family, and above all: embrace the new normal!
