It's no secret that each day of the week is different. Each day yields a new emotion and fully affects the course of our lives. People do the same thing, so what's the difference? Go ahead, try and find one. In the wise words of Andy Milonakis, "When life gives you lemons, you make beef stew."
Sunday: Sunday is most obviously a 300-pound man sitting on a couch eating sour cream and onion chips. If you don't do that on Sundays, you're lying. This guy does things like taking a nap so you forget you have to pee (because that involves getting up) or binge-watching a Netflix show, and he is probably wearing his sunglasses indoors (tequila always sound like a good idea).
Monday: OK, Monday is the meanest, snobbiest 17-year-old girl you've ever met. Let's put this in perspective — Regina George — amiright? She's ruthless, no matter what kind of day you think you will have, Monday is there to literally make sure that the opposite of what you want happens. Mondays are not fetch.
Tuesday: Who's Tuesday? Shy girl in the back of your math class, that's who. Everyone is indifferent to Tuesday. You still have stuff to do, and you are nowhere near the weekend, but at least it's not Monday. Was she in class today? I don't know, but I was.
Wednesday: Hump day! Sorry, had to (Wednesday will forever be that camel).
Thursday: You're almost there but you're not. Thursday is the guy who always makes jokes that no one thinks are funny. He tries way too hard to be cool, and everyone sees right through him. That's right, Thursday, you are not fooling anyone. The weekend might be significantly closer now, but it's still wearing velcro sneakers.
Friday: Friday is an avid churchgoer because praise Jesus. The excitement and joy of being in that church is overwhelming. Nothing is better than knowing school's out, so start thanking the big man.
Saturday: Let's be real, Saturday is a perpetually drunk college football player. He knows how to have a good time and has no cares in the world. Drunk football boy loves life, and doesn't even think about school. Let's all be drunk football boy (a.k.a. every day should be Saturday). Turn up, fam!
