In high school, I took a public speaking class, not really because I wanted to but because it was taught by my favorite teacher. For our final presentation we had to recite a speech from memory. I decided to chose the interview that Davey Muise did with the Harbor. As soon as I got up to speak I burst into tears. All through the whole thing I could hardly contain myself, especially at the end.
A few months later, despite the strength and hope listening to people like Davey had given me I would still end up attempting to take my life. I thought that I had hit the lowest I would ever way before this, but what I experienced during and after my suicide attempt was more horrific and unpleasant then I could have ever imagined.
I was scared, hopeless and even more depressed than I had been before the incident happened, and what did I do about it? Nothing. I pretended I was okay when I really wasn’t because I just wanted things to go back to normal, even though I couldn't remember what that was. I couldn't remember the last time I woke up and wished I hadn't or when my emotions were not just sadness and frustrated anger at things I had no control over. My life had become one never ending nightmare that I couldn't seem to wake up from
During the dark few months after my suicide attempt I closed myself off from the world hoping that make me forget what happened. I was isolated and alone, to the point where social interaction became even more difficult than it was before. I felt that I was slowly being erased, people were forgetting about me and moving on with their lives and I was stuck in the same place, everyday, unable to do anything about it.
It wasn’t until the day I stumbled upon the Davey Muise interview with the Harbor again that I had a change of heart and mind. After not watching it for so long I felt something I never had before. Here was someone I admired and looked up to and they knew exactly what I was going through. For the first time in what seemed like forever I had hope. I needed to finally accept what happened to me and start to grow from it. I can't change the past but I can change what I want for the future, and that was to be happy.
But I am here today, and so is Davey, and I can finally say that I am at the point where I have picked up my shovel and have managed to dig my way out. So for those who have not found their voice, don't lose hope. We are here to help.
