Maintaining a relationship in a place where hookup culture is confined to a small group of people leaves a ton of overlap mixed with frequent partying, which most of the time ends up a complete mess. But, all is not lost! Finding real love and meaningful relationships is still possible with the right guidance. I have found five key tips that I have learned from past experiences and from my older friends that have helped me find achieve the sometimes mystical and perceivably unachievable meaningful relationship. This is not a complete guide. Common sense and good judgment, along with communication, should be the basis of any relationship, but this is a good starting point! So, when you think you’ve found love in the club or you’re Trap Queen, remember these tips and maybe you can actually find that special person.
1. Rome wasn’t built in a day! Get to know the person first.
This seems like the most obvious things in a relationship, but in college we can forget this most basic and essential principle. Simply finding a person attractive and interesting is a good way to get the ball rolling in a relationship but by no means should be the sole basis. Physical attraction is an important aspect, but spending actual time with the person and learning if their personality is compatible with your own is vital. By committing to getting the know the person, you show a genuine interest which hints that you are looking for more than a booty call or a one night stand. It also gives you a chance to find any quirks in the person’s personality that might not have been visible at the club or wherever you first met.
2. Everything that glitters isn’t gold! Do your research.
This tip should be used with moderation and a bit of judgment! I am not telling anyone to break into any dorms or hack any phone software to find any dirt on the person they are interested in. If you feel like you need to that because the person is not trustworthy, then you might want to rethink the whole relationship thing. But this is the 21st century, and a person’s social media page does tell you a lot of things that you might not exactly hear from the person. For example, if the person you are interested is posting pictures using drugs, this could be a huge problem, since no person with sense would put that in the public sphere. Additionally, if you see a ton of likes on pictures that fit the common “Thirst Trap” social media user, you might be in for a lot of competition. In all, just take note of anything that seems too odd, and if it bothers you ask the person. All relationships should be based on trust and honesty, so if the person is hesitant to be honest it could reflect bigger problems down the road.
3. Turn up together! Go out together in a group.
Most people act a completely different way with their friends than with their significant other. Going out together gives you a chance to see how they interact with others with you around and lets you gauge where exactly you stand. If you are under the assumption that you two were exclusive, and that changes once you’re at a party, then further communication is needed. It also will be an indicator of how you two will act as a couple and gives both of your friend groups a chance to scope out anything that you might not have picked up initially.
4. Communication is key! Discuss boundaries for parties and social events.
Just like the last tip talks about communication, discussing what boundaries should be set for parties and other social events is a major tip. There is nothing worse than going out to a party at the local fraternities and seeing your “boo” dancing with another guy or girl. And if you have not set clear boundaries, then it is just as much your fault as theirs. Faulty communication destroys plenty of relationships before they even have a chance to get off the ground. By having the conversation on what is acceptable at parties, it lets you gauge how serious each person is about the relationship and saves you from inadvertently hurting the other person. Especially in terms of smaller schools where social groups are even smaller and friends are watching, it is best to have a clear understanding and a defense if any rumors pop up, which they eventually will.
5. Haters, Haters, Haters! Don’t believe everything you hear.
Relationships in small colleges are as valuable as gold and diamonds, and plenty of people don’t wont to see other people shine. Jealousy is just apart of the beast that is human nature, and in college it can come from the most unlikely of places. When starting a new relationship, it is inevitable that you will hear whispers or rumors about who or what the other person has done or is doing. This could either be a blessing or a curse. But, the best thing to do when confronted with these situations is to try to analyze the intent of the person giving you the information and use your own judgment. We all have caring friends that assume they are relationship experts and who claim to only have our best interests in mind. This may be true, but we cannot forget that a relationship is strictly between you and that person, and when the whole campus gets involved it doesn’t last very long. This does not mean to discredit genuine advice, but it does mean take everything you hear with a grain of salt!
Going to a small liberal arts college is one of the best decisions that I have made in my life. From small class sizes that offer meaningful interaction with professors to small lines in the food court, attending a small university has a ton of perks. In an environment where the student count is under 5,000, there is plenty of time to get know plenty of faces and build great relationships. But maintaining a relationship in the utopia that we call a small liberal art college is a completely different story. These tips should all be coupled with common sense and intuition. There is nothing wrong with taking a chance with a person that you feel you can build a meaningful relationship with. But in small colleges where you are bound to see this person fairly often, it is better to make calculated decisions and give yourself enough time to see if a relationship is what you really want.
There are always other fish in the sea, but in a small school that sea is a pond. If you muddle it too early, very often your reputation could be tainted forever. Play it smart and follow your heart—and that persons Instagram or Twitter!
