Eight years ago, little 11-year-old me started going to an all-girls private school. I was so excited to rock my bob and wear a plaid skirt. Don’t get me wrong, there were so many things I loved about my school, like my awesome friends and all of my teachers. However, the one downside of going to an all-girls school is the ALL GIRLS part. Sure, some girls had a lot of boyfriends and guy friends and were blessed with a natural ability to charm the boys. I was given different gifts, so going into college I was literally terrified about having classes with boys. Of course, I had dated in high school. My relationships ranged from one week to one year, so I obviously was doing something right (no, I was not). So cue the horror music and get ready to hear about my experience trying to figure out boys during my first semester in college.

A few weeks into the semester, I was introduced to a boy through one of my mutual friends. He was super nice and seemed pretty into me, but for the life of me I could not reciprocate those feelings. “Why can’t you like a normal boy for a change?” I screamed internally to myself. But no, it wasn’t happening, and because the universe hates me or wants me to get over my irrational fear of people who aren’t girls, this boy ended up being in my psych class. Goody. The moment I saw the back of his head I wanted to duck and run. But instead I got to endure an entire semester of dealing with unwanted attention and awkward arm touches. About a month later, he invited me to come watch a movie in his dorm. Me being me and not knowing how to say no, I said yes and prepared myself for an extremely awkward night. Walking up to his room I began to run through a whole bunch of scenarios in my head. “If his bed is lofted, how am I going to get in?” “Am I going to have to climb up?” “Should I just lay on the floor for two hours?” All of my questions were soon answered, as I opened the door and saw two desk chairs placed in front of his TV. That’s right. I was greeted with “Netflix and chill” chairs. Needless to say, a documentary later, I was walking out of there determined to never, ever hang out with a boy again.

And then came the fraternity boy. After attending a few parties, I noticed a really hot guy who I refused to go up and talk to. My friends eventually got tired of me just staring, so they literally shoved me into him. Thus began my first college “relationship.” I put relationship in quotes because does anyone actually have a defined relationship in college? Weeks of dating went by, and I guess you could say it was normal. However, my crippling fear of actually having a boyfriend in college led to the downfall of whatever we were. The abrupt end to our uncomfortable situation left me dateless to my own formal, forcing me to take the back stairwell in the library to avoid him at all costs.

Speaking of the library, let’s talk about the most embarrassing moment of my entire freshman semester. So there I was, sitting in the quiet section of the library desperately trying to reverse some of my not so stellar grades before finals. Knee-deep in business calculus equations, an extremely attractive boy comes up to me and casually asks me to watch his things for him while he goes to his car. You’re probably thinking, “Wow, this seems like a very normal question.” Well, you would be wrong because I literally could not answer him. For about 15 seconds all I could do was stare at his face with my mouth hanging open like the idiot I was. After finally finding my voice and answering him, he left as I tried to turn my brain back on. It can’t get any worse, you say? Once again, you are wrong. I had buried my head so deep into my calculus textbook that I didn’t see him come back up to thank me. As he whispered “Thank you so much,” I jumped out of my seat and screamed at a volume way too loud for the quiet section of the library. Understandably, we did not talk again.

So, there you have it. A college girl trying (and failing) to take on boys after way too many years without them. So if you’re ever feeling down about your dating life, just know that it could be way worse.