Hello single ladies and gents,
With cuffing season in action and Valentine's Day around the corner, you may find yourself feeling a little lonely lately. Scrolling through your Instagram you keep stumbling upon adorable couple pics, you double tap that photo, but not without feeling some type of way. You say to yourself, "I've been single for six years now! When will I get to take cute couple pictures for
If this seems all too familiar then you need to listen up. Dating can be hard these days and I get that-- trust me. You're probably thinking about the almost relationships now, trying to figure out what you did wrong. Stop! You did nothing wrong, neither of you did.
Here's the thing I've concluded about dating and why it's OK to be single for a long time. Dating is different for everyone. You just have to realize that while it is important, it's not nearly as important as we make it.
The number of relationships you've had does not determine your worth or desirability.
For the longest time, I thought that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't "dateable." I had "talked" to a lot of guys over the years, but nothing ever seemed to stick. Things never seemed to work out because either the timing was wrong or the guy was wrong for me.
It wasn't until last year that I realized there was nothing wrong with me. I realized that it wasn't my fault, that everything happens for a reason. That maybe this was something I had to do to rebuild my faith in men and relationships. A journey of disappointment and loneliness only to find that I deserve more.To finally know what I want and need in a partner and relationship.
This all came with mental and emotional growth over the years. At 23, I feel more confident dating than I ever have. I'd say this has a lot to do with God's perfect timing.
Whether you're religious or not, literally everything has its own perfect timing.
See, I don't see how anyone could not be mesmerized by the idea of perfect timing. Our life is really just made up of good or bad timing if you really think about. You're either at the wrong place at the wrong time or in the right place at the right time. One difference could literally mean life or death in some cases. That is crazy, when you finally wrap your mind around that you also learn that you have to let go of the life you planned for yourself when you were 12. You realize that timing is everything. When you are really ready for a relationship, it will find you.
The third piece of advice: find optimism in those cliches people hit you with when you're complaining about being single.
I always hated when people would tell me some cliche thing about being single, but in retrospect, most of what they said has turned out to be true. All those times I thought I was ready when I really wasn't. I was still weak. I was trying to figure out who I was, what I stood for, and what I wanted. I was trying to find happiness in someone instead of myself. Once I found true happiness, I decided to stop holding myself back and that's when it happened.
I decided to step out of my comfort zone and go on dates with guys that I normally wouldn't.
I thought maybe I needed to be more open and just met new people. At the end of last year, I met someone whose younger than me. I told myself I wasn't going to date him, just talk and get to know him. I told myself five years was too big of an age gap, it can never work. He's leaving for Basic Training on Parris Island in July, what's the point? I was more careful with my feelings this time around. I tried not to fall too fast like I usually do. I guess you could say he was persistent. He snapped me every single day from the first day he snapped me. He talked to me, got to know me, and listened. I felt like I didn't even have to try with him like I could be myself from the get go. So after two months, he asked me to date him and I said yes.
I decided not to worry about the future, but to live in the now and enjoy what seems to be some really great timing. I encourage you to figure out what you really want and then really go for it. Put yourself out there and at least you'll be able to say you tried. Don't give up on dating just because it's been a long time. Enjoy being single while take that time to live for yourself.
I promise, your time will come.