I am sure that many of you have seen the meme which basically equates dating past a certain age as basically making a decision between becoming a step parent or not. I always found humor in this meme until I came face to face with this possible decision.
A few years ago I befriended a coworker, who at the time was pregnant. Several months later we had a mutual interest in dating but her son was now three months old. As someone who is college-aged, I had no experience dating someone with a kid. After thinking about it, I decided that I could handle it. I mean kids typically like me well enough, and I feel like morally I have high character that should help in the situation.
Over the next couple of years, I embraced the role. When she would stay over, I would stay up with her son so that she could sleep. If I went on a trip or past a store I would buy him clothes or toys. I surprised him and his mom with a Build-A-Bear trip and things of that nature.
Now it's not as easy as it sounds. When the child was three we split up. Typically with a breakup, you miss your significant other. While that sucks, it is usually bearable. Breaking up with someone who has a kid (or an awesome dog), you now have an extra person you have become attached to that you will miss. It's like twice the pictures to be sad over and twice the small things that make you think about them.
Someone with a child is no longer thinking of just themselves. Becoming involved with them is an admission that you intend to do right by both the child and your significant other. Changing your mind later is sure to reflect poorly on you. Dating a parent means planning your dating schedule around what the child needs and would like to do, no more late night movie dates. It means that your social calendar depends on finding a sitter. Someone with a kid is likely to be looking for a forever person much quicker than someone without a child. So when they seem clingy or annoying planning for the future in a hurry, you need to be understanding.
Anyone who has a kid that isn't yours has someone else that has this unique connection with them. You have to try to understand that while not being jealous, which isn't the easiest if you are really into your significant other. This person who your significant other had a child with is someone who likely will need to communicate quite often, at all hours of the day and night. Having someone that you care about to sustain a friendship with an ex, let alone an ex where it is quite apparent that they slept together is not for the faint of heart. You have the potential to be temporary while the bond between a parent and their child or their other parent, are permanent for better or worse. With a connection like that you are always running the risk that they will end up back with their previous partner.
Someone having a child should not prevent you from becoming involved with them. However, you should be aware of some of the pitfalls that may seem like a hassle. Dating someone with a child means no longer thinking in terms of just you and your significant other but also their child, who is likely to be the most significant to them and rightful so.
