Usually, all of my feelings and emotions are spilled out to my best friend or scribbled down in my journal. I never imagined I would be writing such a personal piece that I would end up sharing with the world. While writing this, I questioned repeatedly if this was a part of me I wanted to share and it was an incredibly challenging decision to let myself release such a personal story. However, I do not think I am the only one that has had such a realization in my life and I also believe there are many of those that have not experienced this type of realization, or maybe they are in the process of going through one now. The purpose of this article is not to focus on the specifics of my personal life—I want to focus on the road taken to see the light. I do talk about the darkness, which is slightly morbid and obviously, dark. However, this article is about me, discovering me—who I want to be, how I want to be portrayed and remembered, who I want to surround myself with—all realizations that pertain to embracing and loving me, for me. I hope my experience can help those who doubt themselves or have moments of weakness. We all do—darkness exists, but so does the light.

As this week comes to an end, so does the spring semester of my freshman year of college. Throughout the past 10 months, I have faced many ups and downs. College is a brand new, thrilling and sometimes anxiety-ridden adventure. College is being thrown into the adult world, but at the same time, you still feel like a little kid. It's odd and confusing; everything seems to change. Change can bring darkness, change can bring light, or change can bring both. In my case, it was both.

At one point this year, I found darkness and for a while, I could not escape it. No matter how hard I tried, I could not find the light or positivity. Every day was filled with anxiety and worry. It was as if the light was nonexistent, which ultimately caused my anxious feelings to shoot through the roof.

I have experienced downs before, yet nothing was as bad as this. The whole situation is hard to explain, because anxiety itself is a challenging concept to explain to those that have not experienced anxiety as intensely as I have. The easiest way I can describe it is it is as if you are trapped in a box filled with slithering snakes, except the box is your body and the snakes are thoughts, doubts and worries coursing through your veins. Sometimes the snakes are there, slithering around. Sometimes, the snakes are non-existent.

I experienced this entrapment, which led to darkness. I realized darkness was a place I never wanted to visit again. It is not a place I like to talk about, either. It is a sensitive place filled with insecurities, anxieties, doubts and negativity. It is a place where no one wants to be, but at some point throughout our lives, darkness comes for a visit. Darkness is negative and it is a terrifying place to be trapped, however darkness is also a teacher. While I hated being in the dark, if I never went, I would not be where I am today.

It took time, but slowly but surely, I started to escape—the light was beginning to shine through. Thinking back on it now, I started to allow the light to shine through. As much as I felt out of control, (and at some points, I was) I was in control. I turned my anxieties and worries into action in order to diminish the fear and worry. I found light in various people, places and activities. Eventually, the light overcame the darkness and I was finally free, I was finally me again.

Escaping the darkness is like taking your first breath after being underwater. It is refreshing and energizing and provides a huge feeling of relief, as if a weight is being lifted off of your shoulders. The process is dark and twisted, yet beautiful; I sort of felt as if I was new. I was me, but I was stronger, more independent and more mature.

The darkness provided me with a self-realization, a new, positive mindset and lessons I hope to pass on to others. It made question everything and everyone I surrounded myself with; something no one ever wants to do. Sometimes, you have to. You do not realize you do, until you do it. In a weird way, the darkness is some kind of self-cleanser, providing self-realization and in my case, a new mindset. I despised the darkness; however I am oddly thankful for it as well.

Without my experience with darkness, I do not believe I would be where I am today. Obviously, bad days still exist. Bad days never completely go away. Anxiety can never disappear, but after working with myself and my mind, I realized I have the control, I have the power.

My time spent engulfed in the dark completely changed who I am today—who I want to be, how I want to be portrayed and remembered, who I want to surround myself with. I learned so much about who I am as a person and who I aspire to be.

To those reading this article, whether you have experienced something like I have or you are going through something, no matter how alone the darkness makes you feel, you are not alone. Someone might not be holding your hand while you try to find the light, but there is someone from the light reaching down to you. Sometimes it takes a while to find the hand or the spirit or the object or the song—whatever helps you escape it—but it is there.

Once you find your step to light and the darkness is flooded with light and positivity—you will be thankful for your time in the dark.

Thanks to the darkness, those around me and a special light, I refer to as Him, I am a stronger, more empowered and positive young woman and I am forever grateful.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” —Matthew 11:28-30