If you're one of those people who loves Christmas music so much that you listen to it year 'round, you may want to stop reading after this sentence.
Call me the Grinch, I don't care, he lives alone with his dog and that doesn't sound so bad sometimes.
But my ears have been inundated with holiday tunes since August and I am a little salty about it. And being a writer, I tend to notice song lyrics, especially if it is a song I have heard a gazillion times. So with this tendency, I started listening to some of the holiday classics analytically.
This may have been a HUGE mistake. Because I started unwrapping all of the weird messages not so subtly hidden in these seasonal jingles.
I know, it upset me too, but here are seven that I found particularly strange.
1. "Baby it's Cold Outside"
Multiple radio stations have actually started banning this song for, frankly, obvious reasons. In the #MeToo era, we can't ignore the narrative of a man blatantly refusing to listen to a woman denying his advances. She even says, "the answer is no," and he keeps trying to get her to stay.
And the "what's in this drink?" line? Not OK. Luckily, there is a new version that emphasizes consent out there.
2. "Santa Baby"
Perhaps not as creepy as the last one, but the innuendo is too weird here. I'm not wrong.
3. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
At first listen perhaps this seems like a cute tune, reminding you of how much you cared about making Santa's "good" list as a kid, but objectively the lyrics, "he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake" describes a stalker. Describes a potential serial killer. And that's NOT cute.
4. "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth"
Why is this song sung by adults so often? I understand how toddlers lose teeth, but like how did you lose them, a bar fight?
5. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
So "mommy" and daddy dressed as Santa may be consenting adults showing affection for each other, but this is such a strange and light-hearted way to sing about a potentially traumatizing event for a young child.
6. "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"
Wait, what happened to Grandma?!
7. "Father Christmas"
So, this one may not be THAT popular, but I remember it growing up and it's actually very violent. The chorus alone: "Father Christmas, give us some money, don't mess around with those silly toys, we'll beat you up if you don't hand it over." Enough said.