When I reached home last May on the night of Oberlin commencement, geez, I felt like a wizard after a really long apparation (see Harry Potter), my head dizzy, a little parched, aches and fatigue. These were all usual post-travel feels, what I'll call Dislocation. Nothing new as I've been to San Fran, backwoods Tennessee, and the Republic of the Gambia in the last year, to name a few places . As before I slept on my living room couch. It's nine inhabitants were all around me doing school, work, and the daily grind. As my responsibilities with my family increased, I felt a dark cloud of anxiety rising above me and grew frustrated, what I'll call Culture Shock. I essentially re-met my siblings after 5 months away at school and saw my younger siblings growing up and feeling worried, isolated, cloaked, insecure, sassy, lively. My joy for what they are made me smile but my longing for what we all could be, when overcoming our vices seemed so challenging, hurt my heart.

What was my natural default to this? My go-to in the existential panic? A staunch retreat into self-righteousness. "Why are my younger siblings so picky and mean? And all us older siblings seem more distant. Why don't my parents do more? They did so for me. They must be so tired

.." I fought floods of self-pride and complexities of status-quo as I recoiled into my expectations. This complex interchange of emotions between the prideful flood and myself.

Flip two weeks and I'm at a hotel in Minneapolis, MN. While I was shaking off fatigue and a little headache, I felt that same cloud once again. Next thing, I was amongst gorgeous and inspiring Minnesotans and Midwesterners, students from all over the nation, of all sorts of races, backgrounds, and theologies, yet all dedicated to God's global mission. Growing even in our difference was inspiring, but hard. Thoughts began to overwhelm me. My response. My natural defense? The panic button I reached for and slammed? Be different and be proud.

'They really don't get low-income do they?' I domAnd yeah, we can all laugh until you make a joke about rap, my background, and how my skin expl

ains my relationship to both.

Turns out I had two idols in my closet: who I see myself as--and whom I'm seen as. God, I'm on three scholarships, getting an education, and have received many gifts for travel, but it's all about my background. I am low-income.

But God told me gently: I own the cattle on a thousand hills. 100, 000 cattle and I've given you many of them.

In both of these dislocating culture shocks, I realized the common factor was myself. Afraid of invalidating anything that makes me me, I responded by holding on to myself too much and Christ too little. A close friend once told me, "Don't take yourself seriously. Take God very seriously."

So guess what? I am not low-income. I am purchased by God and given whatever gifts he bestows. Idolizing all of these temporary or partial fragments of my Identity blocked me from my permanency in Christ. God affirms these very fragments. Says I made them and everything else. He called them all good, but not godly.

God never seeks to erase who you are. That's the Devil's desire. God wants partnership. 1 + 1 = 3. Thus I want to praise him for my passion against economic and racial injustice, because it's his passion too. Ananias and Sapphira weren't simply cold-blooded liars struck down as we'd like to think. They were like any of us who protectively hold on to our own money, without trusting that when we leave it at "the apostles' feet", God will both provide for the poor and complete his plan. Or have we forgotten table flipping Jesus who said, "My Father's house shall be a house of Prayer for all Nations?" To all races and skins, He invites a chance to speak with the Creator of the Universe.

Passion feeds those around me. We are a body and all have different skills to fully accomplish the desires of god's heart. Instead of staring at any of our differences as barriers, I learned that my Brothers & Sisters rather have potential bridges I can build. When we go out in teams, pray ceaselessly for unity, and trust o@ne another sincerely, there's no reason to entertain anxious lies instead of collaborative truth.

So surprise. Don't be like me, be like Christ. Be proud of who you are because God has partnered with you and because whatever thing breaks your heart breaks His way more.