My living room | 1:07am | Saturday, November 20th, 2021.

"You'll meet someone one day."

"Don't worry, it'll happen for you too someday."

"It happens when you least expect it - don't worry!"

These are the many things my friends and colleagues always tell me when I crack jokes of being that single friend, when I bring up the serious possibility of having a future without a partner, or when the DJ announces the "couples" dance on the dance floor of tonight's wedding.

I have grown accustomed to the pity stares, the comments, and even the many many friends who think that helping rewrite my tinder/bumble/Grindr/scruff/hinge profile will do the trick…for the 42nd time.

But here's the thing - I am perfectly okay being single. In fact, I actually prefer it.

Let me tell you how my two failed relationships and my 25 years of life on this earth helped me realize that love does not have to involve anyone else but me, myself, and I.

As I sit in my modest, updated one bedroom apartment at the southeast cusp of Downtown Evanston this evening, I watch my dog sleep on the couch beside me. I saved him and he saved me - he and I quarantined together through the pandemic. As it ravaged the world and hurt so many, I felt comfort in our home - together - as we watched the seasons change outside our east facing fifth floor windows.

As I reflect on the life I have built for myself, the career I have found success in, and as I think about the people I've chosen to share it all with, I am reminded of the reason I'm not upset to share my bed with only myself - and occasionally the dog - and not with a partner.

I had two partners. Well, I would say I have dated several people, but only two of my relationships were long-term and stuck with me - and I give them both credit for my desire to be - and my happiness in being - single. Although not in the way you'd probably think.

My first boyfriend was a wonderful person. I turned 21 while we were together. I was a transferee to my new college, he was a midwestern transplant who gave up a "rural city" for the Windy City. He was supportive, kind, and incredibly patient. We were both battling our own demons and when the dust settled, I think we decided we were better friends than anything else. But the love and patience that we had for each other has stayed with me all these years and to this day, he is one of my greatest friends.

My second boyfriend was the one I thought I'd end up with forever. I think he was the first man I ever truly loved. When I look back at its traumatic ending, I think the love I had for him was an ideological love, not a realistic love. I saw him as perfection without flaw and was desperate to make him happy - and to prove my worth to him. I allowed myself to crumble as a way to make him stay, while growing to resent him. I villanized him for breaking me, but it was me who destroying myself from the inside out. It was not fair for me to expect him to carry that weight - a weight that was bound to break his back if it didn't break his heart first. In that - and our entire relationship - he inadvertently taught me the most valuable lesson there was to learn - and I will always love and appreciate him for this.

My first partner taught me what love was and the power it can have. My second boyfriend taught me that no love from someone else can ever be a healthy substitute for the love one must have for themselves each day - from within their own heart and soul.

Many of my friends are sharing their lives with another person - several of my friends have gotten (or are planning to get) married. Some are even thinking of starting their own families.

But - so am I. Well, not the marrying another person part, but everything else they are experiencing in their lives.

You see, I am so proud to have friends who have found love for another. I have come to realize that - while love is one of the world's greatest gifts - it does not have to involve another person. It can exist within yourself, in the relationships you have with friends and family, and even in how you apply yourself to your career.

So when my friends make comments out of pity - although well-meaning - I simply smile. I may meet someone someday, but I also may not. I can't control the plan for me, but I can control what I do with today. I choose self-love and I choose to be thankful - and appreciative - for the two men who loved me enough to remind me to always love from the inside out.

Tonight, I appreciate what I have and the things I love - my dog, the apartment with pink and purple string lights that light up the night, my great friends who love me unconditionally, and the wonderful and joyful life that I've built for myself. It isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but all love stories take work to get to the happy ending, right?

I may not be dancing with a partner in the couple's dance, but I'm sure as hell still dancing - and I hope you are, too.