I'm Almost At My Quarter-Life Crisis, And I'm Still Haunted By Daddy Issues

I'm Almost At My Quarter-Life Crisis, And I'm Still Haunted By Daddy Issues

I'm almost at my (quarter) mid life crisis but I don't think daddy issues should be on the menu?

794
views

What happens when nearly everything you've ever wanted from your father actually is given to you?

Think about it.

Most of my issues with men and in my relationships come from my relationship (or lack of relationship) with my father. I have trust issues, abandonment issues, and deep insecurities due to my father. No, I am not blaming him for everything.

I am saying when your father does one thing constantly to hurt you then it creates a pattern of reaction. And for me, it made a wall to protect myself from him and any other man as I got older.

However, I cannot say my relationships suck because of daddy issues anymore because...my dad and I have confronted everything over the years. And...I still feel traumatized by it?

When he says he's going to do something, I cannot believe him. When he does do it, I am surprised. When he says he's going to drink, I expect him not to come back or ending up wishing he hadn't.

I am still traumatized even though he has proven time and time again that he is not that man anymore. Why is that? Did I miss the transition? Why can I not trust that he is going to be good and everything can stay this way?

It seems like my walls never came down. I cannot trust anyone and I believe in the worst in people.

I always hope for the best but try not to be just anybody's fool.

The cynicism in my soul is raging against the optimistic innocence I once held as a child.

I still get mad sometimes, I will cry when I see him making plans for his grandchildren thinking, "Why couldn't you have your shit together when I was younger? Why do my future children get the best of you? Why could you not just spare me all the selfishness of your late twenties thinking paying the bills was enough to fill your role as a father?"

The resentment is deep. I want to be better because I know it hurts him when I bring up the past. That's the weird thing...I am the only one still lingering in the past.

Instead of being grateful and loving the man he has become now, I am angry at the man he was not when he was younger.

The only thing that got me through it was when someone said, "How would you like it if someone kept bringing up your past? How would you like to be seen as your mistakes? Never good enough for someone because of who you were not who you are?"

My mom and dad were young. They probably had no idea what they were doing and as I got older, I found out my dad's dad wasn't the best to him either. I guess I didn't think about how that could ripple down into our relationship; but it has. I have decided that it will stop with me. Whatever my grandpa did to hurt my dad and my dad did to hurt me needs to be resolved. My grandpa never really changed his ways and that relationship between father and son will never be at its full potential.

My dad has actively tried to prove he loves me and wants to be an actual father to me. I am grateful for that. He did not have anyone to show him so the last couple of years have been trial and error.

I hope one day to learn how to forgive a little quicker so I won't have so much evil in my soul. It suffocates me and everything I think and say becomes negative.

Choosing to love someone is the harder path (for me) but it has been the most rewarding.

Popular Right Now

To My Boyfriend's Mom

He loves you more than you could ever imagine...
51911
views

Without you, there would not be a him, so first things first, thank you.

1. Thank you for teaching him to love a woman the right way, to put God first, and YOU before me always, the respect he shows you is so attractive, and you deserve it.

He talks about you like you hung the moon, I don't doubt for a second that he will be an amazing father one day, I owe all of that to you.

2. Thank you for giving me a chance, learning to love me when you knew your son was doing the same.

I can't speak for my own first impressions, but hopefully mine was not THAT bad...when we both slapped him on the arms for his rude remark at the same time, I knew our relationship was already blossoming.

SEE ALSO: Finding A Husband In College

3. Thank you for every meal you have ever purchased me.

And chocolate, and candy...you know just as well as your son does that food is the way to my heart. Especially Taco Bell and cheesecake ;)

4. Thank you for your advice, suggestions, and opinions...and asking for mine

Whether it's telling me to slap him for being a smart a$$, or you're asking me about color swabs for your kitchen makeover, you come to me as if I am your own, and I am so honored to give you my own input.

5. Thank you for including me

You never fail to leave a spot for me, and I love family dinners/outings with you guys just as much as I love my own!

6. Thank you for teaching your son to never give up, and that if he does it is only to better himself, or it's the only choice he has left.

He is so focused on his future, he wants the best for himself, and he is constantly reminding me that these are things that YOU taught him, you deserve to be so proud.

7. Thank you for letting him love my family, and allowing me to love yours.

He is so loyal and loving to my family, and I don't even have to ask myself why because I see him with you and yours. Thank you for letting us double up on holidays when we can, and making sure we get the most out of our time with you!

8. Thank you for being his best friend.

I think of him as mine too, but I couldn't think of a better person to also hold that title, you know him better than anyone else and you always will.

9. Thank you for teaching him how to treat a woman

He is constantly telling me "You sound like my mother." Thankfully earlier in our relationship, he told me that the woman he wants to be with, should do just that. He always tells people who try, "No, no one calls me by my full name except my mom and my girlfriend."

10. Thank you for your honesty

We all know that he and I can drive you crazy sometimes, thank you for telling us like it is, and making sure we know you still love us anyways.

SEE ALSO: 8 Tiny Lies Every Young Woman Has Told Their Best Friend

11. Thank you for teaching him to work as hard as possible in anything and everything he does.

I have never met anyone with such a desire for success, he and I are constantly discussing how we can better our futures, and I know exactly where his drive comes from.

12. Thank you for teaching him to clean up after himself

Even though sometimes, it takes him a minute to do so.

13. Thank you for teaching him how to love, and letting him love me.

I have never felt so loved by a man, probably because anyone else who came into my life was just a boy. Thank you for your unconditional love for him, he is your entire heart and that is so easy to see, I am happy to share his with you.

You and I both know that even years from now we will both occasionally probably be closing the fridge that he left open, cleaning the crumbs he dropped, demanding he take a shower after playing soccer, or reminding him 20 times about plans we made weeks ago, we both share such a great love for such an amazing man. I could never be more thankful that you brought forth into this world such a comforting, supportive, protective, steadfast, driven, handsome, and hilarious guy. Thank you for everything you do for him, for me, and for us, I love you a lot!

Cover Image Credit: casey

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

The Thank-You Your Parents Deserve For The Sacrifices They've Made

Sadly, this is one they've never heard.

bmscott
bmscott
199
views

We're getting into that stage of our lives. The one where you are away from home or starting to distance yourself, but the relationship between you and your parents is strengthening. College has taught me the value of my parents. Their value is more than the money their bank account and how often they were able to make it to high school soccer games. It's so much deeper than that.

If you have EVER fought with your parents, you've heard the phrase "You'll understand someday when you're a parent." What an excuse, right? No, not really. Being a parent is hard; it's something that I couldn't even imagine doing now or in the next five years.

Since college, I've grown so much closer to both my parents and honestly it's one of the best things that has happened to me. In high school, I was the definition of a hormonal teenager. Fighting with my dad every day and ignoring my mom when the walk got hard. Now, I call them to tell them what kind of smoothie I got for lunch. College taught me how to make not just more of a father/mother-son relationship, but a friendship with my parents. That's not what I'm here to thank them for, though.

I'm thankful for the sacrifices. There's so many that I don't know about, but I know they exist. Working countless hours to give my brother and me what we want or even sacrificing their own happiness for me is something that I can't comprehend yet. I know that being a parent is hard and that sacrifices are in call but being a parent is a full-time job. I've come to realize that a lot of my parent's lives got put on the backburner because they wanted to give me the best life possible, but I have to recognize the sacrifices.

I have been so blessed to have an amazing life. I've been provided for, and my parents have busted their butts to make sure I had everything possible to make me happy. Not just material things; they gave me all of the opportunities possible to succeed in life. They've skipped events with their friends to spend time with me while I'm home from college, even if it's us sitting in the living room on our phones all night.

Mom and Dad, I appreciate you more than you know. The words that I've written are just a quarter of the love and appreciation I have for you — words cannot describe how I feel. Thank you for all of the sacrifices you've made for me. I know I am where I'm at right now because of the hard work you've put into me, and I hope that I can make you proud.

bmscott
bmscott

Related Content

Facebook Comments