I love you, Dad. We’ve had a sort of tumultuous relationship and things haven’t always been easy, but I’m glad that you’re part of my life. Over the last couple years, you’ve really tried to be better and I appreciate it more than I can tell you.

I look forward to your calls. I love that you call me just to talk about things or to ask me if I want to come see you. I feel like we’ve had some really important conversations and I understand you a lot more than I used to. I’ve come to realize that I get a lot of who I am from you. You’re not very good at emotional expression and I’m not either. I don’t know how to deal with my feelings, let alone share them with another person. From what I’ve gathered, you are emotional. You do think about things and how other people interpret your actions, you just don’t quite know how to express that.

It’s taken me a long time to understand and accept that, because I really wanted you to be emotional with me. I wanted something from you that you didn’t know how to give, and I think that was detrimental in how I thought about you. I felt like you were uninterested in me, and for a long time I resented it. I didn’t understand that you’re like me, you didn’t know how to be what I wanted or needed. I just want to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay because until recently, I didn’t try to know or understand you, I just requested something I thought you should be capable of giving automatically. Now that I’m older, I get it. It doesn’t sting as much because I’m the same way.

I struggled with the fact that you have an easier relationship with my brother. He’s a male, and you relate to him a lot better because of it, and that’s okay too. It’s a lot easier to relate to what you know. You know sports and socializing, music and books weren’t really your thing. My brother likes the same things you do, and you can relate to that a lot more. I wanted you to like the things I liked, but that’s a bit unrealistic. It doesn’t bother me near as much as it used to, but I think it’s because I’m older. I’ve lived a lot of life in my 20 years, and I think I understand you a lot more because of it. We have a better relationship now, and I’m grateful.

You’ve given me a lot of skills and you’ve taught me a lot of things, whether you know that or not. You taught me how to hunt at a young age. You included me in doing something you love, and I’ve never taken that for granted. The woods is my happy place. In there, I feel peaceful. You gave me something that I plan to teach my kids, no matter their gender. Not a lot of women hunt, and I’m thankful that you’ve given me a skill that not all possess. I may not go as often as I’d like, but I go when I can. I hunt by myself, and I’ve killed by myself. You’ve given me a skill that fills me with pride and brings me a sense of accomplishment, and I plan on doing the same for my babies one day.

You’ve also taught me to be unapologetically myself. I have a strong opinion on almost everything, and I’m not afraid to voice them. I do everything knowing that, at the end of the day, I’m still going to be proud of who I am. I’m still going to say whatever I want, I’m still going to act how I want, and I’m going to do what makes me happy and I won’t apologize for it. You are unapologetically yourself, and I look up to you that, as I always have.

We’ve said things to each other over the years that are incredibly hurtful and unnecessary in nature. We’re very similar, and communication is almost never easy, but always worth it in the end. We’ve spent hours talking about everything and nothing, and I look forward to nights like that. I love knowing how you’re feeling, how your life is going, what makes you happy and what makes you sad. I love that you call me every now and again just to talk for a while. I love that even though we’ve had hard times, we’ve never truly given up on each other. In the end, that’s what matters.

Though it hasn’t been easy for us, I’m thankful every day that I have you. I value the relationship we have. I need you, as I always have, to be part of my life. Your opinions of me matter more than most. I want to hear that you’re proud of how far I’ve come. I want you to be part of my life for as long as possible. I want my future children to know and love you. More than anything, I want your happiness. I want you to live a long life where we can have a million opportunities to do better.

You’re a lot of the reasons I am who I am, and I’m so grateful for you.

I love you, Dad.

Happy Father’s Day.