Dad Joke
Noun (informal)
"An indescribably cheesy and/or dumb joke made by a father to his children."
Dad jokes are just awful. Yet, they're also incredible examples of comedic genius. Sometimes you even laugh at the joke, but then feel ashamed to have laughed. They rank below knee-slappers, but a few notches above groaners.
But seriously, whether you admit it or not, who doesn't love a good dad joke? Hell, I love me a good dad joke, and because I bet you do, too, I"m going to supply you with a couple dozen I've been handing out like candy this past month.
1. If you ever get cold, go stand in a corner. They're usually 90 degrees.
2. Why don't you ever see cows hiding in trees? They're really good at it.
3. I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
4. An amnesiac walks into a bar and goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?
5. Why did the Polish ice factory close down? They forgot the recipe.
6. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
7. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four doors, they’d be called chicken sedans.
8. Anyone know how to make a Kleenex dance? Put a lil' boogie into it.
9. What kind of birds stick together? Vel-Crows.
10. What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle? A polar bear.
11. A man is outside washing a car with his son. Finally, the son asks, “Dad, can you use the sponge instead?”
12. I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
13. Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippies? They were too far out, man.
14. The cashier at the grocery store asked my dad, “would you like the milk in a bag? My dad said, “no, just leave it in the carton.”
15. What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Graaaaaaaaains!
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. What do you call a cheese factory from the hometown of Mary & Joseph Cheeses of Nazareth?
18. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "a beer, please, and one for the road."
19. Saw a robbery at the Apple Store the other day. Police called me this morning because I'm an iWitness.
20. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
21. Asked my dad if he got a haircut yesterday. “No,” he said, “I got them all cut.”
22. A friend of mine was fired from her job at the bank. The reason? An old lady came in and asked my friend to check her balance so my friend tipped her over.
23. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
24. What goes "ho, ho, ho, swoosh, ho, ho, ho, swoosh?" Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.
25. Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo’ Drizzle...
So, tell me. How many times did your eyes roll?
