dad never takes my side

Dad, We Don't Agree On Much, But You've Changed My Life For The Better

Our relationship hasn't been the smoothest, but I wouldn't change it.


Dear Dad,

Father's Day just passed, and I hope that you and Mom are sitting on the back porch drinking some of the wine I got you while you read this, with Finn assuredly at your feet.

I know we don't agree on much. You're a Republican, I'm a Democrat; I like hard ciders more than beer, and you would rather drink urine than hard cider. There's a lot more, but nothing else is coming to mind right now. I'm sure that when I think of them I will definitely bring it to your attention.

However, I most definitely have your personality. I rarely back down easily; I stand strong for what I believe and will never let someone walk over me. Now, Mom might say that having these parts of your personality isn't the best, I'm a much better person for it.

I grew up with the mindset of always being better than my brother in anything and everything, but especially in sports. I know he surpassed me in some athletic areas, but I will never give up the fight that I beat him in the softball/baseball area.

Growing up, it was instilled in us that baseball was the best sport, and anyone who thought otherwise did not remain friends for long. I grew up decorating our basement, which is now basically a shrine to the Cincinnati Reds, and it's pretty cool to say the least. Going to Reds games in the summer was a given, and skipping school to go to Opening Day each spring was natural. By the time I was 12, I believe I hit my 500 games mark and made all the boys in school very jealous (it was a high point in the middle school years).

Now you wouldn't just let the love of baseball stop with going to games; you made sure that I was groomed to play every part of the field. I do remember one time when I was around 8 when I cried because I "didn't want to play softball" during the summer, but you were going to make sure I did. I am so incredibly grateful that you didn't give into my temper tantrum because now, at age 21 and concussed-out of sports, I wish that I could keep playing.

Those extra nights going out to the field and running me ragged until I finally got that pitch down or could effectively place my hits where I wanted put in a kind of work ethic I still use today. I wasn't playing the game for anyone else, I wasn't getting paid, I wasn't really getting anything financially out of it, but I gave it my 100 percent. Even now, as I work jobs for the things that I want to do for less than optimal pay, I put in 100 percent because that is how you get the most out of it, and you will never know what you get out of something unless you put that in.

This thought process is what drove me to try and become an engineer before realizing that that was not me, and what drove me to pursue majors where I would have to work much harder within the job market. This work ethic is why I made articles and PowerPoints to convince you to let me get my own dog, change my majors or even let me re-decorate my room.

I fight you tooth and nail on some topics because it's what I believe in, and you don't give in either. Neither of us ever will give in to one another, but we can discuss (and fight) in a way that still is beneficial and not hurtful (most of the time at least). Politics is a wild topic in our house and one that Mom would wish we would stay away from more often, but as my life is surrounded by politics, it's hard to escape.

Even if we fight, we can always bring out a beer (or hard cider) and relax listening to some Steely Dan watching storms roll on by.

You and Mom both instilled in me the importance of family and would never let me skip family events even if I threw a temper tantrum because I was just too tired to go. Even now while our family gets harder to get together, I still go to all the events I can to make sure that I see the family from other places that only can make it occasionally.

I will always hold dear that I have been the only one to get you drunk in a dorm room, as it truly is a right of passage whether or not you actually lived in dorms or not. I will always remember that you were the one that OK'd me getting Finn first while Mom was hesitant (and I will never let her forget it).

So while I'm gone and am growing up, never forget that even if we weren't the closest when I was young, you definitely had an impact on my life, and I am better off because of it.

Cover Image Credit:

Nicole Lohmueller

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.


When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

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Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

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To The Parents Who Gave Me The Best Childhood A Girl Could Ask For

Out of all the parents in the world, I'm so happy that you are mine.


Thank you for everything.

Thank you for being my parents and always wanting what is best for me.

Thank you for putting up with all of my attitudes, my emotional breakdowns, my “problems," and listening to me complain about my drama.

Thank you for pushing me to do things that will better me and giving me the opportunity to be able to do so many things.

Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on.

Thank you for always being there, thank you for answering the phone (most of the time lol ) when I call.

Thank you for giving me the best childhood a girl could ask for. All of our family vacations, movie nights, Disney Trips, for every adventure we ever went on.

Thank you for giving me the best and always wanting me to have everything I needed.

Thank you for all the endless memories that I will always have. You guys are the best people I know and I'm so glad that you are my parents. Seeing other people's parents it makes me appreciate how lucky I am to have the both of you to call mom and dad.

Thank you for being you, for being my mom and for being my dad. I will always be grateful to the both of you, without you I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Thank you for giving me the tools to live life and to have fun while doing it.

I know that no matter where I am, where you are and no matter what happens that you both will be there for me till the end of time.

I appreciate you both so much, I love you both will all my heart. You guys are my heroes! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you and miss both of you so much, even though you guys aren't that far away. I love every moment I get to spend with both of you. All the things I have accomplished are because of both of you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! You both don't know how much you both mean to me! I'm so lucky to have the best parents in the world!

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