Nothing brings out the narcissist in me like online personality tests. Am I Type A or Type B? What kind of career should I have? What kind of fruit am I? I need answers, and what better place to find them than the internet? (Type A, novelist, and cantaloupe, in case you needed the answers, too.)

One of my favorites has always been the Myers-Briggs personality test. I first took a shortened version of it my freshman year of high school when my geometry teacher handed out a questionnaire in lieu of teaching for the day. After spending far too much time deciding whether or not I preferred going out over staying in, or planning details over being spontaneous, I scored as an INFP -- introverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving. These four words didn’t mean much to me on their own, so as soon as I got home I started my research. I took longer versions of the test, read about the 16 possible categories, and learned what it meant to be an INFP. What I found was surprisingly interesting and shockingly in line with both how I saw myself and others saw me.

Depending on where you look, you’ll find different descriptions, but they all say roughly the same thing. I was described as creative, sensitive, and idealistic. I’m a dreamer, a “big picture” kind of person who sometimes overlooks the smaller details.

A few weeks ago, my friend brought up the test again and suggested we both take it. Always ready to answer questions about myself, I agreed and again got INFP. While reading the detailed analysis of my results, almost everything still felt true to me. However, there was one piece that didn’t seem to fit the big picture I had of myself: recommended careers. The best careers suggested for me included a writer, teacher, therapist, and musician. And while I am studying psychology, it’s not to become a therapist; I want to be a neuropsychologist and work in research. I want to look at the brain’s structures and chemical balances and see how they influence behavior and cognition. At the end of the day, I want to be a scientist.

But keeping with the theme of Myers-Briggs, when it’s between “thinkers” and “feelers” (T vs F), the former are usually the ones who enter the world of science; they’re the ones who prefer to “look at logic and consistency” while thinkers first look at “people and specific circumstances.” A good scientist doesn’t look at the outliers or exceptions first. They look at data and pieces of the puzzle before they look at the big picture. In a lot of ways, everything a scientist is or does goes against my first instinct.

Now, I’m not so naïve to think that a single personality test – no matter how many times I may have taken it – is the best way to make a career decision. But it’s not just Myers-Briggs that makes me doubt my abilities to enter the STEM world (and yes, psychology is part of STEM). Throughout my life, I’ve dreamed of many careers from writer to musician to professional chef, but nothing that ever came close to the title of “scientist” or “researcher.” I found many areas in science interesting and had always had high respect for the people who contributed to them, but it wasn’t for me. While I always did well in my English and music classes, I struggled through AP Chemistry and honors physics was cruel and unusual punishment. Theories and concepts were fun to learn about in my free time, but as soon as I was tested on them things went downhill fast. It wasn’t until my freshman year of college that I seriously considered focusing my studies on something other than liberal arts. After taking an intro psych course, I realized how fascinating the human mind really was and became captivated by it. I was instantly drawn to the mysteries locked inside our own heads, and excited by the idea of making discoveries of my own. I still am.

Neuro-anything isn’t easy. It’s a lot of time and energy, and I can’t help but worry that I’ll be wasting those two precious resources futilely chasing after something I wasn’t meant for. I no longer ask myself questions that can be answered by online quizzes; I’ve started to ask myself if I’m good enough, if I’m capable enough, if I’m cut out to be a scientist.

But this is one thing I don’t need the internet to give me an answer for. Despite the self-doubt I encounter now and again, I already know the answer is a resounding yes. Sure, I’m a big picture person, and maybe I’m naturally better at the humanities than the sciences. But another key characteristic of INFPs (and more importantly me as an individual) is our dedication to our dreams, and I know that my dream is to be the best neuropsychologist I can be, no matter how much time, energy, and overcoming uncertainty it may take.