For The One Who Is Fighting That Devil, Heartbreak

For The One Who Is Fighting That Devil, Heartbreak

Enduring a breakup? Read here.
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We've all been there... the dreaded heartbreak. Whether you're 18 or 48, unfortunately, you have endured it. The crying and wondering why you were never good enough. The sleepless nights, broken heart, and tired eyes.

It happens to the best of us, so here's a sure cure to the devil of emotion we love to call heartbreak.

First things first, ladies and gentlemen... you have to take a few days to mourn. It's alright to be sad. So stay in bed and feel sorry for yourself. Finish that tub of ice cream and cry a bit. Get all of that rejection out of your system.

After you get away from the gloom, it's time to buck up and move on. You have to come to terms with yourself and the breakup. You have to sit down and have a talk with yourself. Remember that it's going to be OK and sincerely convince yourself that you deserve better than to feel this way.

After you persuade yourself and talk your conscious through getting over the heartache, it's time to do some physical fixing. Wake up early, go to the gym, get brunch with a friend and start the day off positively. Play some music and remind yourself that there is nothing in this world you cannot conquer. The world is YOURS! So go out and take it.

Now for therapy... go out on a dinner date. Buy yourself a new outfit. Do your makeup or get a fresh haircut.

Buy a new bed set.

Invite friends over to play cards and have the time of your life while rebuilding the other half of your character that you feel you lost.

Read a few Bible verses, meditate, regain connection with your inner-self. Become OK with the situation — you MUST become acquainted with the new environment.

End your day with a nice hot shower or a bath, listen to some of your favorite tunes, and eat one of your best-loved meals. Lay down in your NEW bet set, pick up your favorite book, video game, or something of that sort and think about how lucky you are. Think about how awesome it is to live, love, and learn. Think about all the opportunity you have. Remind yourself of how blessed you are, and remember that no one has your back like you do.

Cover Image Credit: Macey Joe Mullins

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30 Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

Things a best male friend would tell you.
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1. The sexy, crazy fun girl doesn’t always win the guy.
Yes, we are attracted to the fun party girls that never settle down, but at the end of the day, we can’t bring those girls home to meet our moms. Every guy is looking for the sweet, beautiful and down-to-earth girl that makes us laugh, keeps us grounded and believes in us. We want a girl that we can talk to about more than just how many shots we can take before we blackout. Guys want to date a Megan Fox and marry an Emma Watson.

2. Men are not mind readers.

3. Sunday sports are like the sun rising in the East and setting in the West. It's a fact of life, and you've just got to let it be.

4. When a game is on, please only talk during commercials.

5. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions, so neither do we.

6. Ask for what you want.
Let me be really clear about this one. Whether the hint is subtle or obvious, we're probably not going to get what you're trying to say. So, just tell us what you want.

7. Anything said a week ago becomes null and void and cannot be brought up in an argument again.

8. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how to do it. Not both.

9. We only see about 16 colors.
For example, the term "peach" is a fruit, not a color.

10. If we ask what’s wrong, and you reply, "Nothing," we will act as if nothing is wrong.
We probably know that you’re lying, but it’s not worth the fight.

11. You have enough of my fraternity shirts.
Don’t keep asking for more, and don’t just take them. You have to earn them.

12. Stop telling me to make you my #WCW.
Everyone gets annoyed with the couples that make each other their #MCM or #WCW every week; we will not be that couple.

13. It’s not attractive to hear you talk bad about other girls.
I know you don’t like one of your sisters because she stole your Big-Little shirt idea, but keep that talk for your sisters, not us.

14. Being smart is very attractive.
We want a girl that can read a book and carry on a good conversation.

15. Allow me to open the door for you.
Don’t let chivalry die. I know you’re 100 percent capable of opening the door yourself, but see it as a nice gesture. It’s something our dad taught us to do.

16. I’m going to try and fix your problems.
Don’t vent to me if you don’t want me to try and fix what’s going on. That’s what guys do.

17. Don’t take my fries.
I’m a growing man, and I need my food but will gladly take whatever you don’t eat.

18. Don’t be dramatic.
Guys don’t like girls that are crazy about drama, plain and simple. If you enjoy the attention that getting jealous gets you, you will not get my attention.

19. Don’t say you miss me after an hour or a day.
That’s when you begin to edge into the "clingy" zone.

20. It’s okay to compliment us.
We like when you tell us we look good. We will just never say that out loud.

21. But don’t call us "pretty" or "beautiful."
This is not "Twilight," we do not sparkle, and we are not "pretty".

22. “I’m not looking for a relationship” can sometimes be directly translated to "You’re great, but we’re just not ready to be tied down quite yet."

23. We’re all on that college budget.
So know that we would like to give you the world, but can only afford the dollar menu sometimes.

24. If my friends don’t approve of you, then odds are we won't be able to date.
The same sentiment goes for my family.

25. I will smile, but not 100 times.
I’ll take pictures because you want to, but if I’m being honest, you’re going to look just as good in the first one as you will in 100th one you force someone to take.

26. We don’t always have to be doing something.
We can enjoy Netflix and a large pizza.

27. You have too many shoes.

28. You have enough clothes.

29. Don't ask a question that you don't want an answer to.

30. We are in shape. Round IS a shape.

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5 Things You've Heard Before If You've Been Stuck In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Continually second guessing yourself, falling in to complete emotional isolation and apologizing for literally everything doesn't exactly scream "healthy relationship!"

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In the entirety of my 21 years on Earth, I have only been in one relationship. My relationship began in my Freshman year of college and ended about a year and a half later. This relationship had its ups and downs, just like any other relationship; however, when I look back at what I shared with that partner, I realized that I accepted a lot of sh*t from them simply because I thought I had to. I thought that the way he spoke to me was normal and that the things he would ask of me and say to me were things that came with the "in a relationship" territory. Yes, I can remember so many great adventures that we shared—fun outings and vacations with our families, ball games and parties with friends. But now I realize that I was stuck in a cycle of emotional abuse. Being manipulated into thinking there was only one way of doing things and one way of communicating, with me being on the apologetic end every time. While there are many other examples of things your partner may say or do that delineates an emotionally toxic or abusive relationship, here are 5 of the most common that reared their head in my personal circumstance.

1. "You're not doing/wearing that."

Something that I am able to accept now that I am out of the relationship is that my partners need for control outweighed everything else in our relationship. If I wanted to go out somewhere with my friends or wanted us to do something together that I enjoyed, it was generally met with "why?" and a slew of other question regarding the plans I had made.

When it came down to it, I was told what I could and couldn't do, what I could or couldn't wear out, who I could and couldn't talk to...I'm sure you're starting to see a pattern. For me, I was blinded by the thought that they were doing all of this because they cared about me; about my safety, about our time shared together. But in reality, they needed control over the situation, over me.

I agree there should be some guidelines in a relationship and that there are lines that a healthy couple wouldn't cross, but being told what to do and when to do it constantly does not fall under either of those categories.

2. Who is *insert name of boy who means nothing to you.*

And "why did he like/comment on your photo?" (or vice versa), or "why did he look at you like that" or, my personal favorite, "why did you smile at him like that?" All of these are comments I would hear daily, and comments that would surely lead to huge fights and blowouts, usually resulting in the silent treatment. So, to avoid these types of arguments and fall outs, I took it upon myself to change. Change my personality, change who my friends were, change where I hung out.

Because of my partner's insecurity, worked hard to avoid eye contact with people as I walked the hallways. When we were out together, I would stand as close as possible to my partner and drown them in PDA so they knew that I was only focused on them (and so that everyone else knew too). I tried to unfriend, unfollow and delete every boy that made my partner uncomfortable on my social media accounts and made my accounts private.

And it still wasn't enough. When I complimented someone else's tattoos, t-shirt, performance in a baseball game, etc. I would hear about it. And I would always apologize.

3. "Why would you talk to your friends about us? It's between me and you."

I mean, who needs outlets or advice from anyone else aside from your partner, right? I remember the first big-ish fight we had and how I told my best friend about it, asking for advice and comfort. When I apologized enough and we made up, one of the first questions my partner asked me was "you didn't tell anyone about this fight, did you?" to which I responded, "only *insert friends name here*." Boy, was that the wrong answer.

This began a whole new fight about how our relationship was only to be discussed between the two involved in the relationship; no friends, no family, no counselors or mentors, no one. Many utterances of "Why does anyone else need to know? What will they think about us? Why would you do that?" followed, and once again, I obeyed. No one ever knew about our fights and arguments; I never asked for advice and I never shared anything with my family or friends; I navigated my first relationship only by what I was told by my partner and what they expected.

Now that I am able to reflect, if I had let anyone else in, their worries wouldn't have been that we were functioning as a normal couple with our ups and downs; in actuality, they have seen how unhealthy the relationship was, and maybe I would have been able to escape a little bit earlier.

4. "I'm sorry... but..."

"...you did *this* first" or "I was only trying to *whatever*" So many times I thought that I has finally cracked the shell of my partner and thought that I had finally come to the realization that in order to grow in a relationship (or adult in general), you need to be able to take responsibility for your actions. It would begin with an "I'm sorry, babe," but be followed by a "but blah blah blah," where the blame would be shifted on to me or anyone else within reason.

They would be able to turn the tables and make me believe that whatever we were arguing about was my fault entirely and I should be so sorry and apologetic, and "never do it again." I have always been a pushover and very cognizant of other people's feelings, and that has always been very apparent in my life. But this partner learned that about me and used that character trait to their advantage, knowing they could do no wrong.

5. "Why did you make me do that?"

While this was not used very often in this relationship, it is the single phrase that made this cycle of emotional abuse most apparent. The first time that this partner uttered the words "why did you make me do that," was one of the darkest nights in our relationship. We had been play-fighting in my room, light wrestling and a light shove or slap on the arm, with a kiss or two mixed in every few seconds as a way to have some fun (we are both mildly aggressive people and for some reason a little wrestling, showing out physical strength to one another was usually fun for us in our boredom).

It was all fun and games until he wanted to stop and I was having fun being an annoying girlfriend; I kept at it and he got a little more heated than expected. I reach out to hit him one last time and after I did, he retaliated. Much harder than he or I expected, and hard enough to leave my cheek aching. I asked them to leave and they did, in a complete fit of anger. A few hours later we sat outside to talk about it and the first thing they said to me was "Why did you make me do that?" I didn't realize until after we broke up how awful this situation was. They were so upset that I had "made" them hit me and that they weren't "that kind of person" and that I had "brought out the worst" in them.

I'm sure you can guess how this ended—me in tears, begging for forgiveness and us never speaking of it ever again.

No, this wasn't the best situation for me to be in, but I learned a hell of a lot from it. I learned what a respectful and loving relationship should look like and what I should look for in my next partner. I learned that is sticking up for yourself, going out without your partner or talking to any individual who is of the opposite sex is normal and acceptable in a relationship, and if your partner is putting strict limitations on those things, maybe think that over. I learned that having every second of your day controlled by another human being, being super obsessed and clingy with your relationship and partner, and isolating yourself to make your partner comfortable are NOT normal things in a relationship. I learned that I am not always wrong and that I do not need to always apologize. I learned that feeling like you matter and actually mattering are completely different.

There will always be ups and downs in a relationship and nothing will be absolutely perfect at all times, but please, learn the difference between a down in a relationship and emotional abuse in a relationship.

Cover Image Credit:

Everton Vila

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