Fear. Desire. Anger. Love. Motivation.
A hand shoves itself inside me and rips every last one out
I am empty.
All of the feelings are exchanged with control. The uttermost desire for control
I grasp control with the last bit of energy I have and vow to never let it go
The relationship I have always wanted, I have it now.
There's a twist
This control, it controls me.
I stand face to face,
The face that stares back at me, unrecognizable
Sunken eyes and a broken smile
I am prisoner to my own self as my mouth waters
A dark hole that will never be satisfied no matter how full or empty
Guns trigger everywhere making it impossible to avoid a bullet
A future memory never occurs
Current moments are never registered
Images of perfection are glued to my eyes like contacts
I am fading away, the face staring back at me is blurry now
Bricks tied to a string slowly drown me in fear
I've been drifting to the bottom for years, a bottomless pit
I lie to my face, promising change that will only turn in to a game
Light as a feather
I walk through life, dragged by the motions with a chain around my ribcage
Sucking me in by the minute and taking every heartbeat away one by one
I scribble nonsense on a pieces of paper, only to repeat myself the next day
A paper cut that keeps getting deeper, more painful
My mouth spits out knots of promises and lies, I forget what's up or down
A fist forms preparing to shatter the face that's staring back at me
But the control is too quick, too powerful
Time to get back to work
I scale myself, analyzing every inch of my canvas
It changes every single hour, my mind keeps morphing me
The devil sits upon my shoulder and whispers the loudest words of hate into my ears
envy wraps its hand around my neck and chokes me
The thinnest sheets of paper make the largest pile in the book of my life
Mutilation and self destruction run like clockwork
But don't worry….
My story doesn't end here