Cup Completely Empty

Cup Completely Empty

Control, controls me.

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Fear. Desire. Anger. Love. Motivation.

Emotions.

A hand shoves itself inside me and rips every last one out

I am empty.

All of the feelings are exchanged with control. The uttermost desire for control

I grasp control with the last bit of energy I have and vow to never let it go

The relationship I have always wanted, I have it now.

Wait.

There's a twist

This control, it controls me.

I stand face to face,

with myself.

The face that stares back at me, unrecognizable

Sunken eyes and a broken smile

I am prisoner to my own self as my mouth waters

A dark hole that will never be satisfied no matter how full or empty

Guns trigger everywhere making it impossible to avoid a bullet

A future memory never occurs

Current moments are never registered

Images of perfection are glued to my eyes like contacts

I am fading away, the face staring back at me is blurry now

Bricks tied to a string slowly drown me in fear

I've been drifting to the bottom for years, a bottomless pit

I lie to my face, promising change that will only turn in to a game

Light as a feather

I walk through life, dragged by the motions with a chain around my ribcage

Sucking me in by the minute and taking every heartbeat away one by one

I scribble nonsense on a pieces of paper, only to repeat myself the next day

A paper cut that keeps getting deeper, more painful

My mouth spits out knots of promises and lies, I forget what's up or down

A fist forms preparing to shatter the face that's staring back at me

But the control is too quick, too powerful

Time to get back to work

I scale myself, analyzing every inch of my canvas

It changes every single hour, my mind keeps morphing me

The devil sits upon my shoulder and whispers the loudest words of hate into my ears

envy wraps its hand around my neck and chokes me

The thinnest sheets of paper make the largest pile in the book of my life

Mutilation and self destruction run like clockwork

But don't worry….

My story doesn't end here

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Growing Up Catholic And How It Shaped Me

"I like being able to believe there is more to life than our time on Earth."

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Ever since I can remember, I have attended church every Sunday morning. Not always at the same church, but always at the same time with all the same people. I've never known anything different.

Both of my parents are Catholic and so are their parents and so on and so forth. I attended religious education classes my whole childhood and when I was 15, I chose to get confirmed which basically says you are choosing to continue your faith.

As a kid, I didn't really understand why we went to church every Sunday and there were some Sundays where I just didn't want to get out of bed to go. When I'm on the verge of not going to mass I tell myself that it is just 1 hour of my time, 1 hour each week and that is all I have to give. Everyone has 1 hour to spare.

Now that I am older, I'm grateful my parents have introduced me to the Catholic Church. I like having something to believe in and being able to have faith. I'm a huge optimist in my daily life and a big part of that is because I trust God's plan for me, whatever happens is with his best intentions for me. I like being able to believe there is more to life than our time on Earth.

It seems that the word "Catholic" has a negative connotation nowadays and that makes me extremely sad. No one should be judged or profiled based on their religion.

Being Catholic to me means always striving to better myself and bring myself closer to God. Being Catholic might mean something else to another person and that's what is great about religion and faith, they affect everyone differently and it is up to you to decide what to do with these 2 things.

At the end of the day, I am grateful for being brought up in the Catholic family I was because it gave me my morals and made me the person I am today, whom I am proud of.

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A Letter To The End Of The Semester

Sincerely, your only slightly disgruntled student
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Dear End of the Semester,

Yes, I am talking to you! The semester that has thrown me for a loop and that is finally coming to an end. I just wanted to say that I hope you enjoyed your fun because there were definitely days that I didn’t enjoy it as much as you did. Like remember the day that you decided to have three different papers due and for once I had them all done a week early, but you and my computer decided that the day before was a good idea to get into an argument? You know how the computer gets, yet you still did it anyways. And of course he shut down, and it took me and many skilled technicians to coax him out of his hibernation. I don’t know if I can necessarily forgive you for that one, but I guess the semester wasn’t all that bad. Yes, I agree it wasn’t all that bad. Don’t try and make fun of me for it, because it’s just going to get next semester in trouble.

I will admit that you haven’t been as terrible as I tended to make you out to be during times of stress. During those times, I forgot that there is only so much the both of us could do during a five-month time period. So, I apologize to you too, semester, for not taking opportunities that I should have because I let the stress overrun everything. Let’s not dwell on those things and remember the amazing things that happened. Let’s remember the amazing trips that we took and the accomplishments that we made in preparation for all the travel and goal crushing to come over the semester. There was so much that we did this time around that would have or could have never been done before without these last couple of months and the people that we hold dear. I just hope that we can carry this enthusiasm from now until the end of finals and through to the summer.

Speaking of the dreaded Mr. Finals—is there anything you can do in order to get him to take a chill pill throughout the next two weeks? Because if not, we’re all going to have problems and we’ve had such a great end that I really don’t want to cause problems now. With that said, let me just say that even after finals are over, I will look at you, Semester, and know that you tried your best and that I tried my best, no matter what. I thought, though, that this letter to you would be helpful so that the next time that we see each other we can just start off with all the amazing stuff and skip some of those questionable moments. So, until next time Semester, I love you, but I am so ready for Summer to come around.

Sincerely,

Your only slightly disgruntled student

Cover Image Credit: Shannon Smirnow

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