I have realized that I have become way less afraid of crying and showing emotion this year than last year and the year before combined. I remember always feeling ashamed when I felt tears run down my cheeks during class or when I was coming home from school after a long day. I would always try to cover it up, rather than just letting the tears set loose and my emotions shown to the world.
Although I have struggled with crying spells for many years and has never really gotten over it, I realized how vulnerable crying makes someone feel. I first remember this feeling when I felt my cheeks go red during a precalculus class in highschool and the tears started to fall down onto my notebook page. Even though I knew most people probably weren't paying attention to me crying, I felt very raw and as if an outer layer to myself was peeled right off. This is when I realized how crying works in mysterious ways.
Growing up, my parents and grandmother have always told me that crying is "bad." Whenever I shed a tear, I would immediately feel the need to apologize and feel bad for crying. It was a common thing in Asian households for families to look down upon crying and showing any sort of emotion. But I realized that living life in a poker face wasn't what I wanted to do.
Crying is almost like a rainstorm. It happens when it is necessary, just like how there is rain when the plants need to be watered and for there to be more water to circulate. There is no validation needed for shedding tears, just as no one validates whether it is okay for there to be rain the next day. Once a rain shower is over, there may be a rainbow, showing how things can and will get better again. And sometimes, we do need some of that rain to help grow some flowers that we can put in our vases:
-Don't set a time limit to stop crying: If you need to cry, you cry. Although it is easier said than done, when we are in public, in the end, we are human and we don't have to have validation for our emotions and the way we feel. The worst that can possibly happen is someone asking if you are okay. Other people are human too and will get that you are just having a rough time and need to let it out.
-Be confident of the tears you shed (whether in private or in public): It's true that crying spells may be a symptom of depression or other mental health conditions. But that shouldn't stop you from owning up to it and accepting the fact that you are in need of some comfort. There is a stigma shown in movies where a character runs away from the bully crying, but that doesn't have to be you. You don't have to run away from the tears you have shed.
-Tell your friends or anyone you trust: It might be awkward to just start a conversation by saying, "Hey, I cried today," but it is good to be honest about yourself to the people who care about you. Crying indicates that there is something wrong and sometimes we do need a helping hand.
I am proud of the tears that I have shed. Although they didn't necessarily in the right moment or time, I eventually realized that there is no right moment or time for crying. If it happens, it happens...