We have all been there, waiting around for some guy (or girl) to text or call. We sit by the phone and wait for their name to pop up on the screen and get disappointed every time a text isn’t from them. We know we should be doing a thousand other things rather than wait around. We should be out meeting other people, working out or maybe even doing homework. Instead, we sit and wonder when we'll hear from the person of our interest. Then, after days of no communication, we get the bright idea to try and make contact first. If this is you right now, I am here to tell you to pick up the phone and dial the most important number you should have in your phone — the closest local pizza joint. Pizza is the ultimate “bae,” and you should most definitely call the pizza man before you call your crush. Here are only a few reasons why.
The pizza place will always answer your calls.
It doesn’t matter what time of night it is, you can usually always find a pizza place that is open and ready for business, especially if you live in a college town. When you call your crush, your stomach gets all upset and your heart drops a little every time you hear the phone ring, and no one is answering. Then, after waiting 10 unbearable minutes of unanswered ringing, you have to reluctantly hang up the phone, disappointed.
When you call the pizza man, you only have to wait for a maximum of four rings before they answer the phone excitedly, making you feel like the most important person in the world. You never have to be nervous that the pizza man won’t answer. You can just enjoy the calmness you feel when you dial the number in confidence.
The delivery guy always shows up when he says he will.
Your crush might tell you he will meet you for coffee in 30 minutes and show up hours later with a bogus excuse. The pizza man will tell you straight up exactly how long it's going to take him to get your precious delivery to you and arrive in that time frame every single time. If for some reason he isn’t going to make the deadline, he calls you immediately and tells you why and how much longer it will be, then gives you a discount. Sometimes you're lucky if your crush buys your coffee after showing up hours late to your date if he shows up at all. Take heart, my friends — the pizza boy will never stand you up.
Pizza always smells good.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Sometimes guys smell bad for various reasons (sorry fellas, it's true). Pizza never smells bad. It always fills your room with a lovely aroma, and you usually can’t resist it.
Pizza always leaves you satisfied.
I have heard girls complain about leaving their crush’s room unhappy or unsatisfied, but I have never heard of anyone being unsatisfied after eating pizza. If you have ever been left unhappy after eating pizza, contact me and I'll point you in the direction of a good pizza place. You deserve to be satisfied in all aspects of your life, and if your pizza place isn’t doing it for you, it’s time to break up and move on. (This also applies to men — just saying.)
The pizza delivery guy doesn’t expect you to call all the time but is perfectly fine with it if you do.
Some guys like for you to constantly call and check in, while others never want you to call and only speak to you in person. Trying to find a happy medium with a new guy can get exhausting and leave you frustrated. The pizza place might know your order by heart, but they don't expect you to call every single night. They don’t sit around waiting for your call and get upset when you forget, but they also love it and don’t judge you when you call four times in one week, or even twice in a day. With the pizza place, you never have to wonder if you’re calling too much or getting on their nerves. They love you and will deliver what you need on time, every time — without hesitation or eye rolls when you ask for extra sauce.
The pizza delivery guy doesn’t pretend not to know where you live or “forget” your number just to seem aloof.
Guys will do just about anything to seem like they don’t care too much about you too soon. They pretend they don’t know your number when you call them and they act like the don’t know exactly what dorm you live in even though they’ve been secretly admiring you from afar. After about three weeks of calling the same pizza place, the delivery boy has your phone number memorized and can bring you pizza straight to your dorm room door without having to call and tell you he’s arrived. He knows exactly what you ordered and always smiles and sometimes hugs you when he shows up with your pizza. You never have to worry about the pizza man lying to you or pretending not to care about you.
The bottom line here is that the pizza place will never let you down. It doesn’t matter if you just got broken up with, call drunkenly at two a.m. or are having a girls' night, pizza will always come through for you. If you're really lucky, the delivery boy will even play along when you order a heart-shaped pizza for yourself on Valentine's Day and then pretend to be surprised when he arrives. When all else fails and you've had the worst day ever, pick up the phone and be comforted by the fact that in 20-35 minutes, the trusted delivery boy will show up to save the day.
