It's been a tough year for me personally, to say the least, but throughout this struggle of a season, I've learned a ton. Some things have taken much longer than others to fully grasp, but as they've come to me, they've been small revelations that will certainly help me as I move forward and continue to grow. Here are a few of the bigger lessons that I've learned recently that I hope you can take something away from too.

1. Not everything is my fault.

I won't say that I never do anything wrong, because I'm certainly far from perfect in many areas of life. But when I say this, it's because of a bigger issue that I've had throughout my life. When something goes wrong, usually when it's definitely not my fault, I tend to take the blame for it or feel like it's all my fault. For years it has been detrimental for me. When friendships and relationships fade away or don't work out, I'm quick to scrutinize every moment and look back, thinking about what I could have done to fix things or make them better to prevent this result. Someone could randomly punch me in the face and I could probably come up with some bogus reasons for why they were justified. That may be an exaggeration, but I'm slowly shying away from that bad thought process.

I've seen that sometimes things just don't go the way we planned. We can't control other people. Sometimes people leave on their own accord, not because you've pushed them away. God has much better things in store sometimes than what we choose to cling to. Don't blame yourself for everything. That doesn't mean angrily placing the blame on other people for your emotions, just allowing yourself to healthily move on or handle a situation.

2. It's not you, it's not me; it's neither of us.

This is similar to my first point, but I've come to learn (especially when it comes to dating and relationships) that sometimes things aren't meant to be and there's something better out there for us than what we originally thought. So many times, people go into dating and feel like the other person isn't great because they don't meet their own expectations. There are some situations where this is true, but usually it's just that that person isn't right for you. You might love in a certain way and the person you like loves in a totally different way. I'm not talking about abuse or anything like that, just straight-up personal differences and preferences.

You may want to see your significant other all the time while they prefer quality over quantity or are just more introverted. You may not have a problem with PDA while they are more private. You might like sweet notes while they prefer to buy you big gifts. You may not like these things about them, but that just makes them not an incredible match, not terrible person. This is something I've always wished I could help people avoid. Keep this in mind with relationships and try to work around them. Think about what you're willing to compromise on and what is non-negotiable. Goals and morals are extremely important and you must decide whether yours line up with those you are attracted to.

3. Relationship with God isn't always measured by tangibles.

I've always known this, but it wasn't until I had moments that felt reminiscent of Job that I realized it so much more. God is so much bigger than what's going on in this world. His goodness isn't measured by how many times He delivers on the things we want. His love isn't measured by the time between prayers and results. His grace isn't measured by how we feel. Life is definitely super tough sometimes — a lot of times actually — though people like to convince you otherwise with optimal snapshots of their lives in coffee-conversations or Facebook posts.

I've had to see day after day that I'm not having a hard time because I don't love Jesus enough or because He doesn't love me enough. My friends haven't figure out some secret to happiness that I can't grasp, we're just going through different seasons and God has different plans and purposes for each of us. You can't measure your life side-by-side with someone else's, it just doesn't work smoothly like that, as much as we wish it did sometimes. God knows what He's doing, whether we like the tests or not. He knows what we need to become who He made us to be. Sometimes the process can be agonizing, but I've always been able to look back when I come to the mountaintop and see how the valley experiences prepared me for where I am now. I'm in the same boat sometimes. I've prayed many times for God to just stop this nonsense and let me move on, but I have to keep trusting and stay faithful, knowing that it's days like this where I can say, "Oh, that's what you're up to. Thank you, Jesus."

4. Be yourself more and express yourself fully.

I had always thought that I was being extremely honest and 100 percent myself with others, but I think over the last while, I've realized that I've held things back with some people that I never meant to do so with. Perhaps it was based on societal expectations or the fact that some of my opinions are unpopular or parts of myself are unfavorable, but I've learned lately to just be more myself and to think more and not just go with the flow instead of voicing my thoughts. I've been vocal before, of course, but I've decided to do so more now. I have a unique viewpoint, especially in my environment, that needs to be heard and that can make an impact on my sphere of influence.

The same is true about you. I encourage others to do the same. Be weird, have opinions, do your research. Be who God made you to be and don't let your circle become too homogeneous. Even in the Church, we need diversity. We need different ideas, different life experiences, and viewpoints and more to continue to learn and grow and understand each other better. So be you. Be you at BU as we sometimes jokingly say here at Baylor. You weren't made to be anyone else, so we need you.