“You’re so white-washed. Stop wearing crop tops.”
This was the defining moment in my life when I transitioned from an occasional crop top wearing consumer into a full-blown crop top fanatic.
It was a hot summer day back in high school and I was heading to math class prepared to solve some equations, not prepared to be ambushed with someone else’s domineering opinions. As I settled into my seat, I remember some guy getting super pissed that I was wearing a crop top. Now, you may imagine my confusion at this abrupt behavior as what I wore did not affect him whatsoever. However, he felt the need to express his opinions that crop tops were so “white-washed.” I’m all for people expressing what they believe, but he dictated that I should stop wearing them. So I did what any 21st century, independent woman would do: I wore crop tops every day for a week.
Thinking back to this experience, I can honestly say that he probably meant no harm and was genuinely expressing his opinions, but the underlying core of his statements struck me as the heart of the problem within this patriarchal society. Men feel the need to control every aspect of their surroundings as if these factors are theirs to control. In addition, media portrays women as creatures fawning over the attention of men. The subtle behaviors and expectations of women to dress for men, behave a certain way for men, and to mask their intelligence for the egos of men are ubiquitous. I understand that dress codes and other arbitrary rules are rules for a reason, but we must dissect the reasons for the foundations of these rules. Should we just accept that rules are right and just based on the sole reason that they are rules?
As an Asian woman, it is a cultural expectation to be well-mannered, obedient, and timid to please men. I guess this is what he meant by “white-washed” as I defied every aspect of succumbing to the male ideology of superiority and entitlement. Growing up, I was the outlier compared to my sister as I was not afraid of talking back to authority and conventionally unladylike. My parents would joke that with my personality, I would never be desirable wife material and should switch personalities with my kinder, gentler brother as I retorted with, “That’s fucking dumb.”
I understand the difference between manners and “ladylike” behavior, but if a man can do it, so will I. People have spent so much time analyzing my behavior and trying to change my actions to fit the guidelines society has dictated for an Asian woman instead of changing the way society reacts. So stop telling me to do this and that and try telling other people to stop telling me what to do.
It’s an immense struggle to change the overall ideology of society, but we can control our individual thoughts and actions. So I’ll wear my crop tops and believe it or not, it’s not for you.
