I started watching Grey's Anatomy during the current (12th) season. My friends got together and watched it every night so I would just sit out and watch it with them. Then, one of the girls decided to watch the whole series from the beginning. I decided that that was a better plan (and I wanted to see why everyone was so invested) so I began to watch with her instead. Through this, I was introduced to Cristina Yang, the spunky, ambitious cardiac surgeon, who is also Meredith's best friend.Spoiler Alert: She's not in the most current seasons. Now that I've caught up, I miss her. I miss her a lot. It felt good to watch Cristina; It was empowering. I've realized now, through my reflections on myself as I'm doubting who I am, that she actually shaped me. She helped me.
Cristina always made it very clear that what she was most proud of was her intelligence. Her brain was what she wanted to impress people with. She let her work speak for her- her medical trials, her surgery outcomes, her innovative techniques. Cristina knew how smart she was and she made sure that everyone knew and respected her for it. As a person who was never the pretty one when I was young, I committed myself to being the smart one. While my brain has gotten me far, I was never proud. I never liked being the smart one. None of the boys in my high school liked the smart one. I remember openly sobbing to my mother about how I didn't want to be called smart anymore- how I hated it and longed to be the pretty one. "Everyone calls me smart. But I don't care! I don't care, it doesn't matter! I want to be beautiful!," I screamed. Cristina was the first woman I ever witnessed that loved her intelligence-- loved it.
She made be realize that being intelligent is cool. It's something to be proud of. Cristina held it down; She was a strong woman and a strong role model. She knew herself. Because of that, she fought for her own needs. When Owen wanted her to have kids, she didn't because she knew that being a mother wasn't the right choice for her. Cristina was in love with her work. Her job was her baby. She knew that about herself. No matter how much the man she loved pushed, she didn't break. When she realized that, although they loved each other, neither of them could be fulfilled in their relationship, she ended it. Cristina took care of herself and never apologized for it.
When she broke down, she let herself break down. She let herself feel things. I know as a person that is very driven, it's hard to take a break. It's difficult to admit temporary defeat. When she needed to be strong, she was. She was always there for Meredith and even Alex. However, she was never afraid to feel her feelings and ask them for help too.
Cristina is the epitome of self-love and self-advocacy. She taught me that smart is sexy. She taught me that what I need is important too. She always kept pushing. Somehow she managed to take care of herself while consistently being there for her friends too. She was one of the first women I ever saw on TV that had a multidimensional personality (thank you, Shonda). Above all, Cristina taught me the importance of dancing.
I love her because she made me love myself, I love her because she's a knife, not a spoon and I love her because she's a badass woman that's smart as hell and owns every brain cell. For the first time in my life, I'd rather be the smart girl.
