Growing up, I was the kid who did not take risks.
"Maybe I should not go down the metal slide because it will hurt because it is hot out and then that would mean the back of my legs are going to hurt which will be unfortunate later because I have that flute recital and I will be sitting down all night and that will just hurt. No, I do not want to slide."
That is just a sample of the thought process I would go through as a child. I stayed as close to my mom's side grocery shopping and would not dare to linger from aisle to aisle.
So, naturally, I grew up a young woman who enjoys her security and protection.
Feeling taken care of and protected brings me so much peace.
But, again, life will surround you with circumstances that naturally make you feel anything but secure.
My first instinct when faced with feeling unprotected is to avoid.
Avoiding only breeds isolation.
Isolation has the tendency to breed a destructive lifestyle.
As years have passed, I have been forced into situations and circumstances that breed fear and insecurity.
And feelings of no security and zero protection.
avoid avoid avoid avoid
Everything inside of me encourages my desire to avoid/ignore talking about or even living through the feelings insecurity.
Pretending they do not exist.
Pretending everything is "okay."
Pretending.
How often am I living, when in reality, not living at all.
Pretending is not living.
How often am I just pretending?
Pretending to enjoy _____.
Pretending to care about _____.
Pretending to want to _____.
Pretending to be _____.
Pretending to feel _____.
Pretending.
No matter what came to your mind when reading those blanks, we all pretend on the daily.
We pretend we are happy when we are oh so sorrowful.
We pretend we care when our heart is stuck on nothing else but selfishness.
We pretend as a cop-out.
We want to avoid how we are truly feeling inside, so we pretend.
But avoiding does not guarantee security.
In fact, avoiding danger/unwanted feelings is the worst thing I can do.
I have recently been discovering that avoiding danger does not guarantee security, but being with Jesus does.
My mind was blown.
How have I missed this truth my whole life?
The only way to feel truly secure is to truly place my trust in the One who holds my life in His hand.
The only way to live fearlessly is to place my life in the hands of the One who can handle it effortlessly.
Security as we know it on this earth, is not even security at all.
We desire security, but the only One who can give guaranteed security is Christ.
No matter where we go or what we are led to do, walking alongside Him is the safest place I could ever be.
Even if that is in the jungle,
or the Amazon,
or the desert,
or my hometown grocery store.
I need not fear safety when I am walking side by side with the only one who can secure my life.
So, what do I do now?
Quit pretending, Shelby.
Quit pretending to avoid feelings or situations.
If I am sorrowful, cry.
If I am oh so joyful, laugh and wheeze until my stomach hurts.
Do not give way to the temptation to pretend, but surrender any feelings, worries and anxieties to the only one who can take them all effortlessly.
Thank you, Jesus.
Feeling weighed down?
Talk to Him.
Talk to Him today.
