When a friend or family member dies unexpectedly, it's hard to know how to "properly" react. Actually, many people go through multiple reactions, each one desperately trying to maintain a connection to the person who passed away. And the truth is every reaction to an unexpected death is understandable.

When I found out about my freshman year college RA getting into a fatal car accident, I was just shocked. The news didn't really hit me at first. I was sitting in the living room with my family when a fellow classmate of mine texted me about the accident, and I felt nothing. I spoke the words aloud to my parents, my dad even gave me a hug, but nothing sunk in. I just moved on from the conversation and quickly switched to something else to take my mind off of it.

It wasn't until a few hours later, when I was alone in my room, that the impact of what happened finally got to me. And the second I let those walls down, the tears just kept pouring out. Memories of the times we had spent together and the deep talks we had started replaying in my head, and every one was a shot to the stomach.

This was the girl who somehow seemed to know when I was struggling with life and would lend a supportive shoulder or a listening ear. She would drag my head above the water when I felt like I was drowning in my own problems. Outside of all that, she was this fun, goofy person with whom I could chat for hours about books or other nerdy things without feeling embarrassed. While I may not have been in her close group of friends, she was without a doubt one of my closest friends at college. And the thought of her gone—not only from my life, but from the world in general—just felt wrong. It's still feels wrong.

Now, the tears are gone. I've let out enough sobs to leave my abs aching for the next week. But the grieving process still continues. Just because I'm no longer crying doesn't mean I don't still feel her loss.

I guess what I'm trying to say is everyone has their own way of coping with a painful loss. Some people sing at the top of their voices to sad music. Others prefer to show their suffering quietly, while they're alone. There are some who simply need to talk about it to others.

Even this article is a part of my healing process. I understand that the only person who truly deserves to read these words is the same one who will never be able to read again. Yet I know these words are not pointless. Writing is my own form of coping with an event that I can't bring myself to think of in any other way.

So yeah, my reactions to losing a friend may not be as dramatic as one would expect. And though I have cried a lot, I'm not crying anymore. But that doesn't mean I'm not hurting. People are so different that it's no surprise there are so many ways to cope with losing someone. All we have to learn is to respect others and realize that there may be more hiding beneath the surface.

Rest in peace Emma and her family.