Things you'll need:
- A bedroom floor
- A pile of clean laundry for said floor
- A bathroom floor
- Lie on the floor, in a fetal position. Don't forget the last part. Otherwise, it doesn't work.
- Think about the fact that Bethany Hamilton is still winning surf competitions after having her arm bitten off by a shark WHILE surfing meanwhile you can't even get a job at a fake Mexican restaurant.
- Look at your friends talents and accomplishments. Remind yourself that you have none.
- Messy room? Use the pile of clothes on the floor you've been neglecting for weeks as a cushion to lay on in the fetal position. Maybe even look at some more of your friends' accomplishments while doing so.
- Look at the calendar. July starts tomorrow. What have you done since school ended 2 months ago? Oh yeah, nothing.
- Remember how you took a ton of AP classes in high school and then paid $90 per test only to fail? Refer to step one.
- Majoring in something you like, for instance, something creative? Good for you, but if it's not STEM, be prepared to wait tables for at least 10 years after college.
- Try writing a poem. Realize that you don't have any deep thoughts or inquisitions to write about; you also can never think of good rhymes. Come back to this self-help article to start over.
- Try drawing. Come to find that you can't draw proportions at all and that your drawings look like they were done by a 6 year old.
- Play an instrument? Try picking it back up again. Notice that you've completely forgotten keys and chords and a loss of hand coordination.
- For the serious partakers, lie on the bathroom floor instead of your pile of laundry. The cold, cold tiles will remind you of how much you suck.
- Hang up your laundry. Remember that at least you can hang up clothes correctly. Usually. Except for those cotton shirts with wide necklines that fall off the slippery hangers. Stare at the shirts that fell off the hanger and leave them there.
- In a rush? Try looking for a matching pair of socks. I dare you.
- Realize that literally everyone goes through the past 13 steps. It's not just you. We're all mediocre. We're all super mediocre in one way or another. So why not embrace it? You're not just mediocre, you're super mediocre. You're extraordinarily mediocre. That makes you special. Love your mediocrity. I personally give all my fellow mediocre peoples out there an A+ at being mediocre. Good job. I'm proud of you.
