Hi-llo there! It’s me, that girl who totally blanked on all common English language rules upon our first meeting. There was also probably an obnoxious chunk of strawberry in my teeth of which I was unaware until later that night. The good news is, that the majority of people just trying to get along in society trip over words and surprise elevations in the sidewalk on the daily. Every single person is socially awkward in their own respect. If you’re not, you probably are and you just don’t know it yet. To our dismay, there is nothing to be done about our predicament. Since we are all in this together, dragging that shame around like a cat on a leash, I am here to offer some consolation with a variety of coping mechanisms, despite my social perplexity that accompanies me everywhere I go like that vigorous confidence I have.

So you are walking away, excuse me, jogging away from your most recent awkward encounter. Maybe you panicked while trying to speak to someone, resulting in a literal cease-fire of neurons in your brain. You probably said one of two sentences or both. Exhibit A: “I’m good, how are you?” Of course, this is said after the person you're conversing with did not ask you how you were.

Exhibit B: “...”

Of course, Situation B is accompanied by cringe-worthy eye-contact that can only be escaped by looking away at that branch over there and pretending like it never happened.

Now, 20 minutes later, you are still replaying every horrific moment in your broken record of a brain. "American Horror Story" is easier to watch than these. First of all, take a deep breath. That stranger who you just clashed pathways with is most likely just as mortified as you are. Especially since you said “Thanks for the dance,” after the both of you couldn’t decide whether to go to the right or left of the other person. So, before you declare hatred for yourself, what should you do? Suppress the memory!

I’m totally just half-kidding. We need to work on your confidence.

Bruce Willis doesn’t lie. I’m sure you have some qualities. I’m just kidding, I know for a fact that you have a plethora of amazing qualities that so many people love you for! So don’t worry about being perfect because nobody is. Your social awkwardness makes you funny and lovable. Most people will not judge you, and those who do don’t deserve your focus. Embrace this part of you that makes you human.

I’m quick to advise you not to overthink your awkward encounters, but that is quite a difficult task. So next time you can’t find your credit card after dropping it in between the Taco Bell drive-thru window and your car, laugh about it afterward (because God knows you won’t want to laugh about it as it is happening). That is going to be a memory you and your friends will share for years to come. Make fun of yourself more often so you can be less critical and proud of who you are.

I have always lived by the motto, “If you can’t say something normal, don’t say nuthin’ at all.” That’s why I’m such a quiet person. That is, I have lived by it since I learned the behavior about three years ago after I tried to quote Sue Sylvester in an improved anti-bullying sketch in front of my high school class.

It is up to you whether you follow this motto or not. I encourage you to pride yourself on your abnormalcy. I only have one request.

Just be yourself, and remember to smile.

Alright I’m leaving now. Stay fresh, home-slices.

That wasn't cool.

K bye.