It's 2016 and unfortunately, an increasing number of people totally and utterly fail at having a conversation. Blame it on technology, blame it on global warming, blame it on whatever you want. I'm here to remind you how a conversation is supposed to go. Because, believe it or not, people suck at conversing. Emphasis on suck. What's worse is that the people who could use some brushing up on this area will not actually read this article because they lack the empathy, understanding and patience that it takes to 1) read an article, and 2) have a conversation. But, for those of you are ready to fine tune your conversational skills, join me.
First, ask the other person how they are. Ask them what they did today. Ask them their plans for the weekend. Ask them literally anything.
Asking someone a question about themselves and their lives shows that you know there is a whole world happening outside of your own. It shows you care enough to find out about them. The kicker: you need to listen to their answer. Then, respond. As humans, we typically fail at responding, listening, and asking the other person a question about themselves. Let's shoot for at least one of these, and if you're really a professional, you'll nail all three.
Listening is something people generally aren't good at. Sorry, not sorry. The truth is, listening is half a conversation. Without hearing and understanding what someone is saying, you cannot respond. Do yourself a favor, don't be a jerk and listen. You'd be surprised what people will tell you and what you'll learn.
Responding is a pretty challenging feat for some of us (apparently). This step stumps people. Hint: form a sentence that relates back to what they just said. Be empathetic, be understanding, give an opinion, offer a solution, anything. Show them you listened to what they said and you care enough to reply to it.
Here's the tricky part: don't make it about you. There's a fine line between relating your own experience back to someone else's and just making the conversation revolve around you. We usually hate people who do the latter. It makes for super annoying conversations and it makes us feel unimportant. Don't make someone feel unimportant. Don't be that person.
If my friend says to me, "My boyfriend and I got in a fight about what to have for dinner. He wanted spaghetti and I wanted tacos, I hate him," an inappropriate response would be, "That sucks. I had tacos last week at this new Mexican restaurant and the hot waiter gave me his number." Shut up. My friend does not need to know at that moment about me getting a hot waiter's number. What my friend needs to know is that I am listening to what she's saying and that I care about what she is saying. Crazy logic, right? I know, It's mind blowing.
If your responses to people always go back to you, people won't enjoy talking to you. Period. Yes, you have things to say also, but wait until the other person says what they need to say and you respond to them, and then transition onto the next subject. If you make everything about you, be prepared for a lot of people to be super annoyed and probably tell you way less for fear that you'll only want to talk about yourself. Bottom line: don't make everything about yourself.
To sum up everything about having a conversation:
1. Ask a question.
2. Listen to the response.
3. Respond.
Reminder: Don't forget to not bring every single response back to you and your life. Relating is fine. Talking about yourself when it's not even close to being an acceptable response is not fine.
You may think I'm crazy, but you also know I'm right. Conversation 101 brought to you by someone who appreciates two-sided conversations. You're welcome. Learn it, practice it, own it.
