One of the most common phrases I heard throughout my teenage years was "You have to be content with yourself before anything else." It always seemed to go in one ear and out the other as I continued to try and find love–real love. You could say I'm a hopeless romantic. I've had my life pretty much planned out since I was 13, and it's safe to say my life has turned out quite different than I had expected originally, but I'm content with that.
I had this plan for my life, for what type of woman I wanted to be. I planned on being in love and engaged to my high school sweetheart by the age of 23, married by 25, and having my first child by 27. Good joke, right? I look back on my expectations for myself and can't help but laugh and shake my head. I had my entire life planned out without ever thinking about a backup plan, or even just a "what if?".
Within the past year and a half, I have had my fair share of disappointment. When it came to guys, I always seemed to give all of myself without getting much in return. I always went out of my way to make sure my feelings were expressed and there was no confusion, but it always seemed to backfire. Either they weren't ready for something serious, had just gotten out of something serious, or didn't take me serious. (Cue the eye-rolling gif.) Okay but honestly, it was like every time I let my walls down and opened up to someone, they decided they didn't want me. It was pretty disheartening if we're being completely honest. I often wondered what I was doing wrong. Was I too attached? Did I open up too fast? Was I just too much to handle? These thoughts constantly plagued my brain during late hours of the night, and I almost started to believe them.
About a month ago I was thumbing through some old journals that I had written during my freshman year of high school when I came across the saying that had somewhat been etched in my brain: "You have to be content with yourself before anything else". Well, it only took me seven years to truly understand what my beautiful, beautiful mother meant by this.
Being content doesn't mean settling for the first thing that comes your way and making the best out of it. Being content means knowing that you are pretty damn great all on your own. It's knowing that your flaws and your quirks are what make you unique. It's being okay with things going a little off track–or even way off track–in order for you to find yourself, because you know that whatever God has planned for you, it will never disappoint. Being content doesn't mean you stop striving to be better. It means that you love yourself in spite of all your imperfections. It's making the best out of the bad days and just waiting for the good ones.
When I think about my future now, I have absolutely no idea what my life will turn out to be, and I am content with that. It's still a process, don't get me wrong. I have good days and I have bad days, but I know that if I'm not content with myself, I'll never be content with anyone else. I don't mean content after a face full of makeup has been applied and a few drinks have been downed; I mean the kind of content where you wake up in the morning and love yourself despite all your imperfections.
"You just remember that you are not a consolation prize, you are the prize."
