Hello there!
I’m going to be honest, I strongly considered addressing this open letter with something along the lines of “Dear Scumbag/Blatant Fool/Disappointment To Mankind/Etc.” But I did not: I was very polite, although, I think we both know that you don’t really deserve it right now. Awe, are you going to judge me for hating you solely based around this situation? I can feel you thinking, right this very moment, “she doesn’t even know me, she doesn’t know the full story.” This notion is fair enough, and you’re right, I probably don’t know every single detail of your breakup, nor do I know all that much about you as a person, what you’ve been through in the past, blah, blah, blah. I will not discredit you for using such a defense mechanism. There are a few things that I do know, however, and one of them is the girl you decided to leave behind.
“But, Analisa, why is this a ‘consolation letter’ and not a normal open letter?”
Ah, great question, young deviant. Am I trying to be vaguely ironic? Quite possibly. Am I trying to put a unique(ish) spin on the typical rant-letter? Hey, maybe. What I can say with confidence is that I’m not here to whine about how badly you broke her heart, how much you’ve hurt her, the ways you’ve destroyed her spirit, or any other depressing precipitate of you walking out of the relationship. What do all of those statements have in common? Each of them start with you, and, despite the title of this letter, you are not the focus--she is. However, there are a few things that I want to make clear to you, if anything, to relieve your guilty, concerned heart (sarcasm fully intended).
She knows that she deserves better.
I don’t think that you will argue with me on this. What you did was bad — terrible, even. If you take some time and look back at what you put her through, it will be very clear that you acted immaturely, and she deserves so much better than that. She is strong and smart and independent, and is deserving of a supportive partner. It’s okay that you need to work on yourself a bit more before you are comfortable providing that brand of support for someone else, but it’s not okay that picking up and running seemed like the best option to you.
She has a clear image of what she wants out of a relationship.
And now she knows that you did not. She is a woman that knows what she wants, and you led her to believe that you wanted the same things, and were willing to strive for them. Maybe you thought you were ready to do so, too. Maybe you had convinced yourself that you were prepared for a mature relationship. However, when other people are involved, it is your responsibility to know what you can handle;loving and being loved is a responsibility to your own, and another person’s, emotions. That is, count them, two hearts to be considerate of, and you fell short. You did not consider her feelings, nor did you communicate your own, which is, in my opinion, an injustice to both of you.
She’s not blaming herself.
Now don’t try and get all victimized here, because she isn’t necessarily blaming you, either. She’s a rational adult (that’d make one of you) and realizes that sometimes there are outside forces, whatever they may be, that affect the way any type of relationship pans out. Just because you decided to leave doesn’t mean that her love has suddenly turned to hate — that’s middle school garbage. She cares for you and cares for herself, and knows that, in the moment, you thought that this was best for both of you. She’s better than pointing fingers and placing blame, because ...
She knows you are human and that you make mistakes.
That’s right, you made a mistake. I’m not trying to be over-defensive or exaggerative, I’m just being honest. The way you executed everything, the lack of communication, the blatant disregard for her feelings: it was a mistake. There is no ‘right’ way to end a relationship, but you certainly did it wrong. Your mistake was walking away from her as if talking to her was not possible;communication isn’t always easy, nor is it always a segue to redemption, but it is always the best option in any situation. Nevertheless, she understands that you were overwhelmed and confused and acted rashly, and recognizes that, when placed under such stressors, humans make mistakes.
You were not her whole world — just a part of it.
She’s always been great, and that isn’t going to change. Sure, you made her happy, heck, you even had the distinct pleasure of being loved by her, but she was not, is not, and will not be defined by anyone. She is no less valuable, no less beautiful, no less of an amazing person because of the hurt you have caused her. So stop moping over what you’ve done, because that’s just it — it is done. The way you acted extinguishes any right to sympathy for your side of the situation. Oh, am I being cold and inconsiderate? Awe rats, karma really is a stinker, huh?
You don’t have to worry about her.
She will move on. It’ll probably hurt and it’ll probably be hard, but that simply isn’t your problem. Like I said, if you wanted to be there for her and work with her on issues in her life, you should’ve done so while in the relationship. Crazy concept, isn’t it? It’s perfectly fine that you have opted out of caring for her because she doesn’t need you to. She’ll always have the memories of you and what you were together, but she will go on to have even better memories with the people who truly care about her, and they will slowly erase any damage you have done. If I were you, I’d stop crying over what you’ve done to her and start crying over what you’ve done to yourself because she doesn’t want or need your pity. She was a phenomenal human before she met you and she will continue to be a phenomenal human without you. Soon you will be just that, a memory, and you have to accept that.
I know consolation letters are supposed to make you feel better, and that (I’m assuming and admittedly hoping) mine did not. You can feel free to laugh this off and exit out thinking, “she’s just overprotective and angry, what a lunatic.” But as I mentioned from the start, this was never intended for you. But, truly, let me offer you some sincere consolation, because you've just let go of an amazing woman. I'm so sorry for your loss. So, go forth and be a better person, because you owe it to her and to yourself.
Cya loser,
Analisa
