Consent has been a hot-button topic over the last few years. The number of rapes has skyrocketed. Or is it just the number of reported rapes that have skyrocketed? The world may never know… But as I’ve gotten older and begun to pay more close attention to the news and social issues, and as a college student on college campuses, one topic that I can’t go a day or two without hearing about is sex, rape and consent.
Consent is to permit or comply with something or to give permission for something. Most times we hear the word consent lately is in reference to sexual encounters, sex education classes or in court hearings involving a reported rape or sexual abuse. While consent is of utmost importance in any kind of encounter with another person, let’s talk about dating.
Recently I’ve been exposed to a way too many stories of people being told they’ve “lead someone on” simply because they did not reciprocate feelings. Whether you are male, female or whatever politically correct gender or sexuality you prefer, no one is entitled to impose themselves on someone else in a romantic manner, or otherwise, if the other person just isn’t feeling the same spark.
I’ll say it louder for the people in the back…
No one is entitled to a second date if the other person isn't feeling it!!!
Being granted consent to see another person romantically, or even platonically, is just as important as it is in being with someone sexually.
The #MeToo movement is one of the most amazing movements I’ve seen within my (albeit short) lifetime that provides insight into the lives and experiences of women while building a base of support for women’s right (Don’t worry, men are most definitely a part of the #MeToo movement too).
Not only are women being told to unabashedly tell their stories of rape, sexual harassment, etc., but they are also being shown support for their bravery and honesty in telling their stories. However, unsolicited and undesired sexual encounters are not the only times people have been blamed for instances that are not their fault.
Have you ever been asked on a date or a second or third date, but you just weren’t into the person, so you politely declined? I have. But has the same person that asked you on that second or third date ever reacted rudely because you didn’t give them the answer they thought they deserved? #MeToo.
We talked for some time, he thought it went well, but I didn’t. Cue the angry man-child throwing a fit because he didn’t get the girl. Sorry, but I’m not sorry I didn’t want a second date…
Now, this is just an anecdote, please don’t go assuming I’m accusing all men of hating all women that decline to date them because that isn’t the case. My point here is that there are people out there who assume that they are entitled to another person’s time without that person's consent. Whether it is a sexual encounter or a simple date, consent should ALWAYS come first.
You may be thinking to yourself, “Hey, that sounds about right, but isn’t it leading the other person on if I go on a few dates and then decide I don’t want to date them?” Valid question, and here is the answer… NO! I’ll say it again, no one is entitled to your time except for you, but if someone starts blaming you for “leading them on” after you tell them it just won’t work out between you two, don’t just walk away, RUN.
Here’s what leading someone on IS: Knowing you don’t want to continue to date someone but not breaking up with them because you don’t want to, A) hurt their feelings, B) stop going out to do fun things for free, C) be single, etc.
Here’s what leading someone on ISN’T: Knowing you don’t want to continue dating someone so you tell them that you’re not going to go on any more dates. simple.
As human beings, we are the sole decision makers of how we spend our time, who we spend it with and what happens during our own time. If another person wants to have a part of your time, all I have to say is… Consent, consent, consent!!!
Let’s just all be good people and respect each other, is that too much to ask?
Consent... It's simple as tea.
