You know you’re a “yes” person when you are the friend that feels guilty for being MIA when someone needs a favor; or more specifically, you are the friend who just can not say “no.” In many cases, this can be an admirable characteristic. Being a “yes” person implies that you are a good friend: caring, helpful, generous and popular. Many “yes” people like the feeling of being wanted, and being the “go-to” friend. However, these people may also feel exhausted and unappreciated when favors suddenly become obligations, or when they feel taken advantage of.
For me personally, friendship and harmony are very high on my priority list. I am the person that will be there for my friends at the drop of a hat. I definitely used to be a “yes” person—everyone else’s problems eventually became my problems. It was never an issue until I felt emotionally overwhelmed and reached a breaking point. I had completely lost sight of my own needs—I was emotionally unreachable; my distressing thoughts consumed my mind with everyone else’s opinion of who I was.
Saying “no” became easier once I realized that no one else could make me happy until I was happy with myself first. If you are a “yes” person, here are a few reminders I have used to defeat the heavy burden of guilt that prevented me from saying “no”:
Acknowledge that you can’t do everything
You may have a lot on your plate—you may have said “yes” to attending your friend’s dance recital, and promised someone else that you would help them with their accounting homework afterwards. This could be an ongoing issue, where you may be running around in circles in hopes that you will find some time to yourself. The worst part about it: you have no one else to blame, because you insist that you must be there for everyone whenever you can. Realistically, you cannot be everywhere all at once. When was the last time you enjoyed ‘me time’? It is important to acknowledge that when you say “yes,” it should not feel like a hindrance.
Know your value
Own who you are. For some of you, doing favors for others gives you a great deal of acceptance. If you keep searching for approval from others, you will never feel a sense of contentment within yourself. Your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters, because you determine the happiness you feel. When you accept yourself, you are freed from the burden of needing others to accept you. Your self-worth is not defined by how much you do for other people.
You are not selfish
This could be of primary concern—you want to help your friend out, you want to be the first person they call when they need a hand. When other obligations conflict with their request, you may feel guilty for not being there like you initially would. Refusing your own desires for the sake of others is self-defeating, and saying “no” for the sake of your own needs is NOT selfish. Once you respect yourself, others will respect your wishes. It’s not being selfish—it’s being strong.
Sometimes you may not realize that you are drowning by trying to be everyone else’s anchor. Stop trying to carry the world on your shoulders and take control of the unique life you were born to live, learn to say “no” to things that do not serve you well.
