My brother and I had planned on going on a camping trip to Utah when I came home after my second year of college. After getting a reluctant approval from our parents, we were ready to head into the desert, enjoying five days of sandstone rock formations and sibling bonding over campfires.
The first two days were nothing short of amazing as we explored Arches and Canyonlands National Parks. Despite our lack of solid planning, things were going really well and we were truly enjoying each other’s company. On the third day, however, something changed. Maybe it was the unseasonably hot weather, the long hours of driving, or the lack of eating anything substantially nutritious, but something snapped and my brother and I erupted into the biggest fight either of us has ever experienced. There were tears and sharp words over a disagreement so unimportant, neither of us could even remember the matter. My mind was racing with anxious, irrational thoughts.
“What if we never talk again after this?”
“What if he’s always hated me and we’ll never be friends again?”
“Are the comments he’s making about me true?”
I was convinced that this fight was going to lead us into some sort of sibling divorce that would end in us hating each other forever.
After we had both cooled down enough to talk to each other without screaming, we decided to take some time apart and hike separately down to the waterfall where we planned on cliff jumping. We ended up completing the easy, 15-minute walk together, taking care not to reignite the smoldering, angry emotions we were still harboring. When we got to the top of the cliff, we passed awkward, unsure small talk:
“The weather is nice.”
“I know. It’s pretty crowded up here.”
“Yeah. So, are you jumping first?” I posed the question to my brother, and then jokingly added, “If you jump and make it out OK, then I’ll jump.”
Little did I know that my last comment was a foreshadowing statement that would alter the rest of the day, as well as resolve the fight we had.
I watched my brother jump and splash into the blue water below. He emerged a few seconds later and crawled onto the beach to dry off. I made eye contact with him, ready to make my own graceful leap into the pool, when he started waving his hands and shaking his head, trying to convey the message to me that I shouldn’t jump. I figured the water was cold or the landing hurt, so I opted not to jump and climbed back down the hiking trail. I found my brother sitting by the side of the pool holding his foot. “Katie, I think it’s broken.”
In an instant, any remnants of hard feelings I had towards my brother evaporated and I was filled with nothing but concern. With an added broken foot, what had been an easy, 15-minute hike we did to the falls loomed before us as a strenuous, hour-long endeavor.
As we limped along in an awkward three-legged race of sorts, I started to realize how much energy and how much happiness I had killed by fighting with my brother. This was the same person who had willingly accompanied me on night hikes, held my hand to help me climb a slick, sandstone rock face, and paid for my delicious 7-11 coffee that same morning. We had participated in dramatic Broadway sing-alongs, pitched tents together and cooked horrible-tasting fireside cuisine. Despite all these incredibly good memories that we had created, I had chosen to forget all that and only focus on the unimportant fight we had earlier that day.
Helping my brother walk back the hiking path through rivers and over boulders made me realize that an argument only has to last as long as it’s fueled. It’s easy to only focus on negative feelings when they’re so glaringly obvious, but when it comes down to it, they’re like smoke. They can burn and hurt, but smoke fades away and is forgotten, and you’re left with nothing but the warm and welcoming glow of the fire that caused it. If you truly care about someone, you willingly work through the tough times, because better times are undoubtedly down the road.
Of course, this lesson is applicable to anyone, and you don’t have to go cliff jumping or hiking to experience this. In your life, you will encounter everything from petty arguments to explosive fights. This is unavoidable. Resolving these fights will require effort, humility and a willingness to realize different perspectives.
The hike my brother and I took together can be regarded as a symbolic analogy to the walk anyone will take with an important individual throughout the course of their lives. There will be rivers to cross, rocks to climb over, and general adversity. Additionally, there will also be amazing views, rewarding teamwork and unbreakable bonds. You’ll learn to resolve conflict together, as well as enjoy the good times when they occur. The whole adventure is incredibly beautiful, memorable and challenging.
Who wouldn’t want company for this?
